September 30, 2014
Feeling like a fat ass because you bailed on going to the gym to get drunk instead? Well, according to a study out Canada's University of Alberta, having a glass of red wine may have the same benefits as going to the gym for an hour. While this study couldn't say like, for sure if this is true or not, it did point to the presence of some shit called Resveratrol, which is in wine and, according to science helps with your heart, muscles, and bones as well as probably keeping you happy so that you don't kill your husband (which is also one of the most notable benefits of exercise).
So far, scientists have only studied the effects of Reservatrol on rats and shit, but apparently it made the rats very skinny and hot because the findings were promising enough to move on to diabetic humans and then hopefully betches at some point in the future. The study also only applies to red wine, which is all the more reason ban Pinot from your pregame. At the very least, you can point to this study the next time one of your besties tries to side-eye you for bailing on Soul Cycle for being hungover. And if you really want to cover your bases, just start going to the gym drunk---just be sure to bring a copy of the study with you for when one of the trainers tries to escort you out for drunk crying on the elliptical.