Dumbass Burglar Gets Caught After Using Victim’s Netflix Account

By Betch Waldorf

So it’s one thing to steal shit (obviously betches don’t need to steal because we’re not fucking poor) but it’s a whole other level of straight up stupidity when you cannot even steal something correctly. Like I’m not a criminal, but I’ve seen enough Law & Order to know that you’re like, not supposed to get caught. That’s like the basic premise of this whole thing.

Some fucking moron in California decided that he was gonna spend his Saturday getting high and stealing electronics, which is whatever. After stealing all this shit, he decided that it was probs a brilliant idea to use the stolen TV to access Netflix, USING THE VICTIM'S ACCOUNT. I mean talk about a violation. I think I would be more upset about the fact that he fucked up my queue than the missing TV. Material items can be replaced, but finding the exact moment you left off in House of Cards is not something you can easily recover from.

The victim probs started noticing that there was recently watched episodes of Workaholics and was like hmmmm… that’s def not me since I’m like old AF, and called the cops. The cops then traced the IP address and retrieved the TV from some 20 year old burnout who was midway through season 3 of The Walking Dead. Which okay, I feel like that’s some pretty hefty police work for one fucking TV. When my car got stolen, all they had me do was fill out a fucking form. Like what kind of cops did this bitch call, the fucking FBI?

Now the guy is in jail and his bail is set for like $75,000, which obvi this dude can’t afford since he cannot seem to be able to purchase a $9.99 Netflix membership fee




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