Betchocracy 2016: Are We There Yet? | Betches

Betchocracy 2016: Are We There Yet?

By 50 Shades Of Betch


In the wake of New Hampshire and Iowa, this week was a relatively quiet one. South Carolina and Nevada are next week, which all leads up to Super Tuesday. This week, the candidates were busy scrambling for votes and trying (and failing) not to look like idiots.

SUPREMELY DUMB

We’ve already been over the whole Supreme Court situation, but it’s been a main theme on the campaign trail. The Democrats are busy making the GOP look like obstructionists, while Jeb and Ben Carson have both admitted that a Republican President probably wouldn’t hesitate to make a nomination. We’ll see how this goes, because Obama still says he’s planning on nominating soon.

NO HABLA ESPAÑOL


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At the GOP debate last weekend, Ted Cruz called Marco Rubio out for something he said on Univision (a Spanish TV network). Marco then said that Ted wouldn’t know because he doesn’t speak Spanish, which Ted followed up by yelling some gibberish Spanish sentences. For two men who seem to hate immigrants so much, it’s pretty great to see them actually fighting over who's better at a foreign language. (For the record, Ted Cruz kinda speaks Spanish, but it’s not a strong point.)

 

JEBBIE GET YOUR GUN


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After visiting a South Carolina firearm manufacturing facility this week, Jeb Bush posted a photo of his very first gun. It’s a handgun that’s engraved with “Gov. Jeb Bush,” and the caption was just “America.” Needless to say, Jeb got lots of shit for this, because what doesn’t Jeb Bush get shit for these days. Sorry Jeb, try again.

 

CAMPAIGNS ARE RUFF


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At a campaign event this week, Hillary Clinton was telling a story about an old campaign ad with a dog that was supposed to be able to smell bullshit, so Hillary unveiled her best dog impersonation. Her barking really isn’t bad, and maybe acting like a dog will make her seem more human. Let the memes roll in.

 

Y’ALL NEED JESUS


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This week, Pope Francis publicly questioned Donald Trump’s Christianity, saying that someone who builds walls instead of bridges doesn’t sound like a Christian to him. While we doubt that Donald is really religious at all, basically anyone can be a Christian as long as they say they love Jesus. Also, doesn’t the Pope have better things to do than tweet about Donald Trump?

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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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