July 23, 2013
It's time to talk about a method of communication more popular than the written word, more abbreviated than abbrevs, and more cute than Egyptian hieroglyphics. If our website gave us the ability to write this post in emojis instead of words we obviously would. Emojis are to words as English is to Olde English.
Betches naturally love emoijs because they're the most real way to express fake emotion. I mean, why bother exerting the energy to move your facial muscles into even the fakest of smiles when you can send a picture of a real, genuine smile created by some nerdy programmers in Japan? Talk about cross cultural communication.
So is there ever a time when it's not appropriate to use emojis? Absolutely not. Even if what you're talking about is particularly tragic or morbid, emojis are still acceptable. Most people might think that a heartfelt message might be called for, but that's why they invented multiple distinct sad emojis. Fucking duh. In fact, if you're trying to convey really strong emotion, the best way to do this is with many of the same hysterically crying faces. It's like the 2013 equivalent of sending a posh bouquet of flowers for your bestie's grandma's funeral, completely fucking fool proof.
Every once in a while you'll encounter a friend who insists on relating her entire life and times via emoji. Like I'm supposed to know that a volcano explosion next to a pile of shit next to an old lady means you just balled out your grandma. Sorry I don't travel with my emoji interpreter. Where's the one that says I don't fucking understand you??
Every betch knows there's nothing like the disappointment of searching for an emoji you think should be there and for some reason it's not. You might even start to question whether or not something exists because of its lack of emoji. Where is Rosetta Stone Emoji at times like this? There's seriously nothing like the frustration of having to switch your keyboard back to type an actual word. If the eskimos can have 100 words for snow then Apple should be able to provide me with a smiley face that conveys the emotion of 'fucking duh'. Be chic. Be concise. Use emojis.