Everything You Didn't Want To Know About the Kardashian Wedding Extravaganza

By The Betches

So unless you've been holed up in a bomb shelter for the past three days, you've probably heard some tidbits about the tacky Euro extravaganza that was the Kim Kardashian/Kanye West wedding. The wedding was a private affair that will remain as such until Kris sells all the pictures to US Weekly for more money than the GDP of Greece. In the meantime, The NY Post published a scathing summary of the wedding, E! has gotten ahold of some pictures, and Kim is slowly releasing some Instagrams to the world. Let's take a look at what we know about the most opulent wedding to partially take place in France since the one that lead the French government to behead it's queen. 

The General Gist:

I assume The NY Post is really pissed that they're not on Kim and Kanye's tabloid payroll. 

The Rehearsal Dinner: Took place at Versailles and Valentino made everyone lunch

Kim and Kanye wore their finest Bed Bath and Beyond bathrobes while competing with each other for lowest cut shirt. 

The Wedding: Kim and Kanye got married in Florence, one of our favorite abroad destinations. I'm sure the place was nice and shit, but this pic looks worse than the grounds of my public high school. 

The Music: Lana Del Ray performed and so did John Legend. Lana fittingly played Summertime Sadness

The Pre-Nuptual Kiss You Didn't Need To See That Was Probably Finished With The Romantic Signing of The Prenup

Kim and Kanye Walk Down The Aisle

Kim and Kanye Make Out
Like any standard Long Island bar mitzvah, there was also a photobooth. Kim Kept it Klassy by posing with the founder of Girls Gone Wild and his fiance. I imagine she toasted to the sex tape industry because without them, she might never be here.
Chrissy Tiegen showed us what kind of photo atrocities happen when you marry a short bro. 
Jaden Smith smoked a blunt and decided to dress up as a white guy Batman for a photo booth opp with Kris Jenner and her hair dresser

After tying the knot, Kim and Kanye wore matching leather jackets that Kanye will probably now wear daily to the gym with his leather pants. $10 says he makes his next wife wear the same thing.


Also, is it just me or does this picture look like they were just caught having sex? 

Rob Kardashian: Got fat(ter) and didn't attend the wedding for undisclosed reasons (probs because he got into a fight with someone having to do with him getting fat). He also deleted all of his tweets upon returning to America. 





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