Everything You Need To Know About Ferguson As Told By GIFs

By Sgt. Olivia Betchson

I don't know about the rest of you betches, but to me it's pretty clear that the world is finally coming to its fiery end. Between the wars, bombings, shootings, an attempt at a real-life Purge, and now the situation in Ferguson, Missouri, I think it's high time we all hunker down in our bomb shelters and ride this out till the end of the Apocalypse.

We're focusing on wtf is happening in Ferguson to give you a better picture of why this is fucking madness (and Sparta). Here's all the shit that went down, that we know of, told to you conveniently in Batman gifs because Ferguson sure is looking a lot like a real-life Gotham atm.

On August 9th, African-American 18-year-old Michael Brown was gunned down by police. In broad daylight. In the middle of the street. For little to no apparent reason.

Although Brown allegedly stole a box of cigars from a QT earlier in the day, he was stopped by police not for the robbery, but for jaywalking, which many assume to mean, "walking around while black." Ferguson is a small suburb and it was no secret that race tensions were high, even before this happened.

Holy Zimmermans, Batman! Looks like we've got another pontentially racially-motivated killing on our hands!


This whole thing reeks of racism, but it's hard to say for sure. Some eye witnesses said Brown had his hands up in surrender when he was shot. Others say he pushed the officer into his car and was wrestling for his gun. Either way, the autopsy released today shows he was shot 6 times (from outside the police car), including 2 times in the head. While the autopsy doesn't confirm whether Brown was surrendering or attacking when he was shot, the guy who performed the autopsy did add, "You're not supposed to shoot so many times."

Fucking duh, I could have told you that.

Unsurprisingly, this incident is getting compared to what happened to Trayvon Martin, Eric Garner, and other incidents involving the deaths of unarmed black men, and has become a catalyst for talking about racism in the American justice system which some people still don't believe exists but whatever.

On a related note, the Brown family chose Ben Crump, the same attorney who prosecuted the Trayvon Martin case, to represent them. I guess I'm the only one who remembers Crump failing to prove the altercation between Martin and Zimmerman was racially motivated, and Zimmerman subsequently walking...but that's none of my business tho.

Anywho, the night after the shooting, members of the community gathered for a vigil. It was all good until people started rioting and looting a bunch of stores.

The looting has continued since, and police have used tear gas, rubber bullets, and riot gear to try to get it to stop, which isn't exactly a good look for a group that's just been accused of using excessive force and murdering an innocent teenager in cold blood. They've also arrested reporters, which definitely isn't a violation of First Amendment Rights or anything.

Below is some actual footage from the protests:

At first, Ferguson PD refused to release the name of the officer who killed Brown. After pressure from Anonymous (remember them from Steubenville?), they finally did. And the KKK has set up a fund to raise money for Darren Wilson, the officer who shot Brown. The fucking KKK. I shit you not.

Some other fun stuff that happened: On August 16th a curfew was instated. That's the same day that the Governor officially declared a state of emergency. There was another protest and 7 people were arrested. Tear gas was used even though the state Highway Patrol captain said tear gas wouldn't be used. I guess they read our article on casual hypocrisy.

Finally, on Sunday, a protest was held in support of Darren Wilson. There were reportedly 125 people who attended, 124 of whom were white. Just to prove to everyone that this is definitely not a race thing.

So what now? This morning, the governor called in the National Guard to help keep the peace. At this point it's safe to say shit has officially gotten real and all eyes are on Ferguson.

One thing is for sure, this town needs a hero. The hero Ferguson deserves, not the hero it needs. A silent guardian. A watchful protector. A dark knight.




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