By Jane Duh

Once or twice a year, something pops up in your newsfeed that separates the norms on your friends list from the fucking idiots. This week, it happened again in the form of this post:

Facebook's privacy policy. Better safe than sorry!!! As of September 29th, 2015 at 07:35 a.m. Eastern standard time, I do not give Facebook or any entities associated with Facebook permission to use my pictures, information, or posts, both past and future.
By this statement, I give notice to Facebook it is strictly forbidden to disclose, copy, distribute, or take any other action against me based on this profile and/or its contents. The content of this profile is private and confidential information. The violation of privacy can be punished by law (UCC 1-308- 1 1 308-103 and the Rome Statute)
NOTE: Facebook is now a public entity. All members must post a note like this. If you prefer, you can copy and paste this version.

So first thing I want to say about this is that if you read the above post and thought to yourself, "Oh! Yes! I posted that yesterday and now all my photos are secure!" I want you to stop reading this right now, call your mother, tell her she failed as a parent and as a result you have failed as a human being. Then I want you to leave the country and never be heard from again.

Why? Because you're a fucking idiot.

Posts like this have been going around for years, and yet every time the internet still finds a handful of dumbasses so fully clueless about how the world works that they share it. Let's break down everything that makes this post total nonsense -

1) A Facebook status is not a legal document

Literally can't believe I have to say this but, there were at least five people on my newsfeed yesterday who have such a whacked out understanding of the world that they believe that this is law: 


2) Facebook wants to sell your photos?

Really? Facebook wants your album from when you went to Capitol Hill senior year? Do you really think facebook wants this? Really? This? This picture is what Facebook wants?

Or what about the thousands of photos of you throughout college doing skinny arm in a blackout with your sorority sisters? Facebook really wants those? You think?

For real though, how good are your statuses that you think that Mark Zuckerberg NEEDS them for his MASTER PLAN?!? Is your Facebook really that good? Because honestly I've been friends with you for a while and you're boring AF so....

3) "The violation of privacy can be punished by law (UCC 1-308- 1 1 308-103 and the Rome Statute)"

So, this sentence in and of itself is 100% pure nonsense. 'The Rome Statute' is a treaty that established the International Criminal Court in 1998 so like, before Facebook even existed. Nobody even knew who the fuck Mark Zuckerberg was in 1998 because he was fourteen fucking years old. So, no, the Rome Statute has nothing to do with your Facebook.

4) A lot of versions of this also say that the post is only legally binding if you copy/paste directly into your status and don't just 'share' it.

If you don't see what's wrong with that, I can't help you.

Anyway, thanks to this post my facebook friends list is a little bit lighter, which is honestly good because my pictures and statuses actually are great and someone straight up might try to steal them and sell them for money.

Oh, and it goes without saying but since we're on the subject, you can't die from not forwarding a chain letter. Also your crush doesn't GAF about you. 




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