The Filipino National Diving Team Is Really Bad | Betches

The Filipino National Diving Team Fucking Up Is A Metaphor For Our Lives

By Queen Elizabetch

If your favorite part of the Olympics isn't criticizing world class athletes while you sit on the couch drinking wine, then you're taking yourself way too seriuosly. For the most part, every Olympic athlete has more physical skill in their big toes than I do in my entire body. Except for the Filipino National Diving Team. They didn't even qualify for the Olympics, but everyone is obsessed with them.


John Fabriga and John Pahoyo represented the Philippines at the Southeast Asian Games, but were literally the worst. Like they both scored all 0s from every judge. That's like when a frat brother gets rejected by every single girl in your sorority at formal, if he had spent his whole life training for it. 

People on the Internet don't understand why the Johns aren't competing in Rio, since they're the fan favorites. It's not just that they're shit at diving, but that their performance made us all involuntarily say "same." We need regular people competing in Olympic events so that we know just how difficult these sports actually are. 

 




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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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