July 14, 2015
There's a whole collective of betches reading this website who already have it all (almost): the shoes, the dress, the body, the accessories, and the AmEx black card. However, there's still one way a girl can stand out among the many swipe-worthy women out there, and that's her scent. They say nothing sparks memory like scent, so forgoing this one easy step is like Hillary Rodham Clinton making a speech in jeans and a T-shirt instead of a pantsuit. It's her thing, just like drinking too much and suddenly speaking perfect Spanish was your thing in high school. Now that you're a couple years more mature it's time to be known for something new, that's why we're here to find you the perfect perfume based on your personality.
Smells like: Neroli Leaves, White Amaryllis Flower, and musk.
Perfect for: Classic girly girls. The Charlotte's of the group already know and love this perfume and you can be just like them. Step 1: Open up your "Dream Wedding Binder" Step 2: Find the page where you inserted the scented ad for this D&G Dolce perfume Step 3: Rub it all over your wrist and dream of your future husband named something like Chad or James, but he goes by Jim. Maybe he'll buy you a big bottle of this as a gift after he cheats on you with his secretary. ~ If it happened to Jackie O, it can happen to all of us. ~
Smells like: Linden blossom maidens fair fern, solos seal, lily of the valley, magnolia, egyptian jasmine, narcissus absolute.
Perfect for: If picking a signature scent is the one thing left you need to cross off on your day planner on your "voyage" to the be "the absolute best you" (your words, not mine), this sweet scent is the one for you. And, honey, don't let the fact that Bryan has another new girlfriend discourage you. I'm sure you and him really are the Ross and Rachel of your social circle, and this is just the scent to help him realize that.
Smells like: Teen Spirit
Perfect for: Maison Margiela replica scent line is the only perfume you trust to mask the scent of the PBRs you just guzzled, the old smell of records (which you claim to love), and the smug sense of satisfaction you get from recognizing that lame Nirvana reference above. These scents are perfect for you because you're the type of betch that would never really admit to wearing perfume and instead would much rather pretend you just came from a trip to the botanical garden—the "flower market" scent should do the just trick.
Smells like: Bergamot, Grapefruit, Orange, Freesia, Lily of the Valley, Lotus Flower, Pineapple, Watermelon, Grenadine, Sandalwood, White Musk.
Perfect for: If you're looking to bag a stereotypical surfer dude for your summer fling and used to drop your entire allowance at Hollister, this is the perfume for you. Dior Addict will remind you of all those tropical sunsets you watched from your yacht. Think cool Marissa seasons 1-2 of The OC.
Smells like: Mandarin, lemon, rose, peony, violet, amber.
Perfect for: If you wear Stella by Stella McCartney you probably already have cases of it stored under your bathroom sink, neatly labeled in a container. Stella is for the sophisticated woman who has to entertain people at galas and charity events with an exotic mix of smells. If you're reading this, please contact me. I need your advice. On everything.
Smells like: The set of the "Blurred Lines" video shoot.
Lemon, mandarin, gardenia, white acacia blossoms, mimosa, magnolia, rose absolute, honey, vanilla absolute.
Perfect for: Famously provocative Tom Ford does it again. If you have ever posed the question, "Does this dress show enough underboob?" or "Is this V-cut dress supposed to show my belly button?" this is the scent for you. Just because Ford is a little dirty doesn't mean he can't make a mean scent. This perfume is so good we basically guarantee you'll still be able to enjoy its notes of rose, honey, and mimosa while you're walking home in the morning.
Smells Like: You will be bringing all the boys to the yard.
Citrus fruit, peony, roses, rare Osmanthus flower, sandalwood
Perfect for: These are what your pheromones would smell like if they were recreated in a lab. The super sexy Gucci Flora can practically be smelt over Tinder profiles and bros track the scent like hunting dogs.
Smells like: Warm sunshine and the sea breeze
Jasmine, sea spray, and mandarin
Perfect for: Like a hot summer day at the beach, you're bright, warm, and make everyone want to take their clothes off. Surely you're already a pro at whisking boys off to paradise and reminding the girls around you they need to lose weight, but Bobbi Brown's Beach scent will make that all official..