Finger foods: The Cheese Ball

By Betchy Crocker

The beloved cheese ball dates back to the 50’s – the time of betchy housewives like Betty Draper who smoked a pack a day and ignored their children – all while not doing work. House parties thrown during this magical time usually played host to a lot of a fucking Jell-O based meals, strange food molds, and the cheese ball, which remained a beloved star of the buffet table for years to come.

For those of us who did not eat 15 lbs of cookies – congrats; you have a head start on your goal of losing 3 lbs in 2015.

For the rest of you, this post probs won’t help the battle of the bulge. But, if you are planning on hosting a real-life New Year’s Eve party this week – with minimal food and lots of booze – this is the recipe for you. Taking a cue from Martha Stewart, we’ve broken it down into three neat varieties, so take your pick or make all of them.


  • ½ cup unsalted butter, softened but not melted
  • 3 8-oz packages cream cheese
  • 2 tbsps lemon juice
  • ½ tsp Worcestershire sauce
  • 5 dashes hot sauce
  • Pinch of sea salt
  • Pinch of fresh cracked black pepper

Ok – this is your base recipe. In a large bowl, combine all ingredients using an electric mixer (or your arm if you’re like, strong). Divide into three smaller bowls.

For a sweet and salty version: Combine one of the smaller bowls with 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese and 2 tbsps mango chutney. Then, form the mixture into a ball before rolling it in ¼ cup dried cherries and ½ cup toasted almonds.

For a fancy version: Combine one of the smaller bowls with about ¾ cup blue cheese and 1 tbsp super finely diced shallot. Form it into a ball, and roll it in liiiike 1 cup walnuts, chopped.

For your foodie friends: Combine one of the smaller bowls with 8 ozs of creamy goat cheese (don’t buy the crumbles) and 1 tbsp rosemary, and 1 tbsp honey. Roll the ball in about 1 cup of slivered almonds and ½ cup finely chopped parsley (can be curly or regular).

Serve any and all of these up with crackers, bread, cucumbers - whatever. Here's to 2015: the year of the betch.




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