First Ever Ginger Pride Festival Is Happening

By Sgt. Olivia Betchson

Move over, LGBT community. There's a new group of oppressed people who are finally getting their moment in the sun. Not people of color, not women, nay, a group that has been demonized and made to feel inferior since the dawn of civilization: gingers.

That's right, gingers are fed up with being called "firecrotch" and being told they have no souls, dammit! (Sidenote, does anyone out there still think the whole "gingers have no souls, hurr hurr" thing is funny anymore?) Regardless, they're going to do something about it. That's why a Ginger Pride Festival is happening in 2016 in --where else?--England.

The organizer of this monumental event, 43-year-old pizza delivery driver Stuart Parry, told the Plymouth Herald: "I wonder if we're approaching a time when bullying gingers is over...When I was much younger and out at a night club a young lady came up to me and said 'wow your hair is lovely, where did you get it done?'"

HOLY MICROAGGRESSIONS, BATMAN! This is the world we live in now: you can't even compliment somebody without offending them anymore. I'm sure there are tons of actual oppressed people who would have gladly traded the actual racism and discrimination they face for Parry's version of "bullying," but whatevs.

I'm not sure what events the Ginger Pride Festival has planned, other than having a local celebrity judge a gingerbread decorating contest (get it???). Sounds riveting. I hope the whole event is catered by Wendy's, cause you gotta support your own, ya know? And don't worry, blondes and brunettes, you can come too. I'm so glad minorities are finally getting the recognition they deserve. What a time to be alive.





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