January 20, 2014
As betches, our knowledge of any third-world issues is limited to that one sociology class we took in college and the pit stop our parents made us take to Cambodian villages on our family vacations to Thailand. In an effort to try and pretend their kids are down to Earth, our parents would often say stupid crap like “there are kids starving in Africa” after we do stuff like take a bite of our $17 Bloomingdale’s froyos and then throw them out. But real betches know that the starving kids in Uganda have nothing to do with us, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have problems of our own. Life is hard for a betch, and not just because Starbucks continually spells our exotic names wrong on our venti-iced coffees.
The following are some first world problems betches often come across. It’s time to put an end to these issues, feel free to leave your tales of woe in the comments in case we forgot any important issues facing young women today.
Not having time/patience to let your nails dry at the nail salon, then you ruin them.
You have a meeting or appointment during Monday Soul Cycle signups.
Not knowing how to work your TV because you have so many channels and inputs that only your dad can figure it out.
The possibility of rain on your Caribbean vacation.
Your country club doesn’t let you wear jeans and you’re not in the mood to change.
Your housekeeper continuously mixes up your laundry with your sisters’.
Your waiter mixes your salad dressing in instead of on the side.
Uber simply has no cars left and it’s raining.
Your old nanny is on Facebook and won’t stop ‘liking’ all your friends albums, even the pictures you’re not in.