Science Says Flossing Is Pointless, Suck It, Mom

As young betches, there were a few things we could count on to be true: "an apple a day keeps the doctor away;" "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all;" "flossing is an annoying but necessary part of your everyday dental hygiene routine." Well it turns out one of these things is false: the Departments of Agriculture and Health and Human Services threw in the towel and admitted that flossing is basically pointless. I’ll let you take a minute so you can come to terms with the fact that your entire life up until this point was a complete lie.

Basically, earlier this week, the Departments of Agriculture and Health and Human Services (they need a shorter name) put out some new guidelines for dental health, and just casually didn’t mention flossing anywhere at all. Shady! You guys thought you could just casually let flossing slip and none of us would notice? Try again.

Kim Kardashian so shady

So on Tuesday, after everyone was like, "Dafuq, guys?" The American Academy of Periodontology was basically like “Yeah ok I guess we should explain this” and issued a statement basically saying that nobody ever really bothered to study the effects of flossing on gum health “over a significant amount of time.” You read that right—they blatantly didn't study it! They just put this shit on every dentist’s office wall and let your dentist make you feel like shit for not flossing everyday without even bothering to see if that shit checked out. Thanks a lot, Dr. Silverstein.

What else has “science” been lying to us about? Breakfast being the most important meal of the day? I bet. Drinking more than 4 drinks for women is considered binge drinking? I’m sure. Blacking out regularly is a sign of alcoholism? Nice try, mom.

Science, I’m onto you.

Fuck You Science




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