3 New Rules To Follow So You Stop Storing Your Food Like An Idiot

By Betchy Crocker

It’s late and you’re craving a snack that isn’t kale. You venture to the fridge, mouth already salivating as you begin to open the cheese drawer. But then, panic and heartache the likes of which I imagine 1D fans are still going through (lol, stop); ten dollars worth of aged gouda has gotten fucking moldy and there’s no God and FINE I’LL JUST DRINK A BOTTLE OF WINE AND EAT CHEESE-ITS.

We’ve all experienced the horror that comes with food past its prime in the fridge, but, like most things, we have a way to get around nature.

1.       Ignore expiration dates on eggs, bread, and deli meat

Yeah, seriously. Most eggs will last AT LEAST 3-5 weeks in the fridge, and if you’re unsure about their freshness, do this experiment: Drop an egg in a glass of water; if it floats, it’s fucking rotten, if it sinks, you’re good to eat that badboy. For bread, you know most packaged Pepperidge Farms bread and the like will last for weeks longer than its “best by” date if you put it in the fridge. Deli meat (which you probs aren’t eating but it’s in there for your boyfriend/fiance/husband’s sammiches) can stay in the fridge for usually longer than 2-3 weeks if the package isn’t opened.

2. Freeze fucking everything

There are often times when I see a “buy 3 get 1 free” sale on fancy cheese and you just don’t say no to that. Sadly, there are few times I can eat 6 lbs of cheese in the month or so I have before they start turning a bit not awesome. Thankfully, you can freeze most hard cheeses; so your expensive gouda, artisan cheddar, and even gruyere or Swiss can last for much longer in case of an emergency. Also, freeze your artisan bread (just be sure you slice it before sticking it in the chiller) and meat you aren’t using or cooking with right away (raw chicken, beef, etc.); you can even freeze open cans of tomato sauce, diced tomatoes, etc. that you only needed like half of for a recipe.

3.       Store your veggies in the right goddamn drawer

I used to think this didn’t matter, then I learned. You should have two produce drawers in your fridge. Do me a favor and take everything out of them. Next, set one for high humidity and one for low humidity. Put anything that molds or gets slimy as it ages in the LOW humidity. Your apples, avocados, ripe bananas, figs, melons, pears, and peaches go in this space.  Put anything that shrivels or wilts as it gets older in the HIGH humidity. So, your spinach, kale, broccoli, eggplant, green beans, herbs, peas, peppers, squash, Brussels sprouts, and strawberries get stuffed in there.





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