We’ve all been there, the moment we fuck up a really good kind of decent thing with a guy by saying something truly offensive like “what are we” or “I really like you” after only, like, 3 months of spending 5 days a week together sharing your bed and your HBO passwords casually dating. And once those words leave your mouth the boy disappears from your life faster than money does from your bank account. It’s called ghosting and it’s absolutely the reason I suffer from rage blackouts. If you’ve never been ghosted before then first of all, you bitch, and second of all, teach me your ways. But if you’re anything like me, smart, really pretty, with the personality of a very drunk, very bitter divorcée just trying to navigate the world of online dating, then odds are you’ve been ghosted by a fuckboy at least once in the last six months your life. Most times you never see the guy again no matter how hard you stalk his Snap story. Tbh sometimes I think maybe he never even existed in the first place and I was just really fucked up that Tuesday night at happy hour. Whatever the case, you always wish for some sort of closure and also a way to sabotage any future happiness of his.
Well thank God for the internet and the amazing people at Buzzfeed who are always on it with the v important, hard-hitting news issues because now we have that story. And honestly I really needed a win today. Not only did I commute from Long Island this morning *shudders* but my apartment has decided to fall apart one wifi hotspot at a time. So, yeah, I really need to watch a fuckboy burn at the hands of vicious internet trolls this win rn.
Anyway, the story begins as all stories do with a girl, Sylvia, falling for a boy, which I shall refer to as Anonymous Fuck Face. Sylvia dates Fuck Face, Fuck Face plays Yahtzee with her emotions falls for her, earns her trust, moves in with her, and then flees the country because he’d rather not get “tangled up” in a breakup. In typical fuckboy fashion, he posts the story of how he bravely and heroically screwed over the woman he cared for on Buzzfeed because of fucking course he did. In his statement Fuck Face says:
“We clearly had different expectations from the relationship. I did not know what to do and, well, I ghosted her. Over the Christmas break, while she was visiting her family, I simply moved out and left the country. I took advantage of the fact that I accepted a job in another country and did not tell her about it. I simply wanted to avoid being untangled in a break-up drama.”
Okay…so…just to get this straight, you thought the mature way to treat a human being you shared your life with for three years—THREE YEARS—was to completely abandon her like she’s your leftover Pad Thai in the fridge? OVER CHRISTMAS. On Jesus’s fucking day? Really? Is nothing sacred to you fuckboys anymore?? I think my immediate reaction to this information is:
And also:
And people wonder why I’m always one hundred percent serious joking about setting this whole damn city on fire. Lol I’m so random.
Anyway, years go by, this guy continues to live his life like the human pond scum that he is, his ex is still “forgotten history” as he so fondly refers to her, and then one day the director of the school where he works quits. Because, yes, the man whose job it is to shape young minds is also the man that abandons women over Christmas. *internally screams* Whatever. The best part of the story is the person the school hires to fill the position and be his immediate supervisor: HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND SYLVIA.
I. Am. Shook. I don’t think I’ve felt this self righteous since jean skirts came back into style.
Being the troll that he is, Fuck Face has taken his problems back to the people of Buzzfeed, asking how he can avoid being set on fire after the summer break should handle this situation:
“I have no idea what to do and how to deal with this mess. It is clear this will be not only embarrassing but I will also be reporting to my ex. I am not in a position to find another job at present. There are no other international schools so finding another job in this country is not an option. Even finding a job elsewhere is not possible on such a short notice…
…Do you have any suggestions for me how to handle it and what should I do? I understand that this would not have happened if I did not ghost her back then, but I cannot do anything about it now. I gathered from the comments that readers usually have a go on people like me for “bad behavior” but I am really looking for constructive comments how to deal with the situation.”
Lol do I EVER have some constructive comments for this guy.
This is literally the dream scenario for any woman scorned and honestly, I hope she takes this shit to the next fucking level when she finally starts working there. Like, Syl, put him on blast. Start a rumor he’s a pedo, key his car, sic the PTA on his ass, the world is your revenge fantasy oyster.
Anyway, thanks for this, Buzzfeed. There’s nothing like starting your week with a good social crucifixion. If you need me I’ll just be trying to figure out if there are any immediate job openings at my ex’s place of work. You know, just in case. I’m feeling v inspired.
