Fucking Fridays: Party in The USA

By The Betches

American Betches get sexual: My one night stand on Capital Hill.

I'm in my final year of undergrad and had just broken things off with the ultimate fratboy pro-in-training, finding out that of course he was sleeping with every sorority girl at his school. It had only been a few days but I had a major opportunity to travel to Washington, D.C. for a job interview. After the first boring day doing meet and greets at the capital I decided what I really needed was to get as trashed as possible in this uptight town.

 

jefferson memorialHow romantic!

 

So I said fuggit, and proceeded to the nearest bar and apparently tried to consume as much whiskey as physically possible. Enter hot Georgetown grad student. We had met earlier in the day while he was representing his Senator boss, but I figured he was a bit too old for me and hadn't thought I was quite rebound ready. Obvs, shots quickly changed that. Things were heating up and he suggested we go somewhere more private. Im not sure how the idea came up but soon we were exiting the cab right on capital hill and stumbled our way over to the nearest monument.

Right there, on the bench in front of our dear old President Jefferson, I had my very first one night stand. We had a good 15 minute go before we heard yelling and saw security flashlights coming towards us. Thank God we were able to get out of there before this became a tale of my first time incarcerated, but not only is there probably some great security footage, this dude ended up being a pretty important Pro. Apparently he's got his eye on election come November, and who knows maybe in a few years this story will turn into "that Fucking Friday I spent with the President".

-The (not so conservative) Conservative Betch

 


 

Dear The (not so conservative) Conservative Betch,

 

I feel comfortable using legal jargon in every day life.

 

Okay, first of all:

1. Capitol

2. Fuck it

3. Vodka

Secondly, this story is one for the grandkids. Here's why: It's one thing to take a naked picture in front of your school's monument on a dare, but it's another thing to casually fuck, a stranger no less, atop the NATION'S monument.

It's like having sex on a park bench if that park bench represented freedom of speech. However, the story would've been even better if instead of running away from security, you and your political mystery man stood up and read your own rights. I mean...there's technically no real right to privacy in the Bill of Rights, therefore whoever deemed having sex in front of famous shit as 'public indecency' was seriously disturbed.

Finally as they say on the Wheel of Petty Cash Fortune, we'd like to solve the puzzle. Is it...Mitt Romney?

ding ding fucking ding.

Send us your sexcapades! [email protected]

 




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