Gabbing: Betchy Linguistics

By Sabrina the Teenage Betch

You might talk to your parents, speak with your boss, and chat with randos, but you gab with your betches. Gabbing is the exchange of gossip or other fun information between besties, and it is basically the best activity ever. Each set of friends has their own personal style, but the general premise behind it is always the same.

Gabbing is a physical experience (screaming at points is not uncommon), and can best be identified by phrases such as “Omg are you serious?” “Tell me everything” and “I’m dead.” Topics are unlimited, but will typically fall within the realm of boys, frenemies, and how much you’re obsessed with yourselves/each other.

It can occur in a variety of scenarios, and usually involves the consumption of one of our favorite beverages. For example, who doesn’t love a great gab sesh over iced coffee the morning after a particularly scandalous night out? How about over white wine on a Wednesday night? Over Diet Coke at “lunch,” or over margs on an early Saturday evening? It is perfect every time.

Like many things we do, gabbing events pretty much have to be exclusive. The reason for this is that these convos move fast, so the presence of a weird or less good friend will totally kill the vibe. Also, I assume that any bro caught in the middle of a gabbing circle would probably murder sui.

Historically there have been many trailblazing gabbers, people whom I often fantasize about gabbing with myself. The thought of gabbing with Lorelai Gilmore about every problem I’ve ever had in my life honestly gives me chills. Other experts that we should all attempt to emulate include people like: Karen Walker, Ja’mie King, Damien from Mean Girls and most female cast members of Laguna Beach.

TBH, gabbing is probably one of the best parts of your week, and for good reason. It is how we bond, revitalize and affirm our superiority in the world, and it doesn’t get much better than that. That being said, I’m leaving to go gab for hours now and you probz should too.




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