The Betches' Guide to Casual Gardening

By Miss Ameribetch

Once upon a time in betchhood, we were introduced to the idea of gardens through fairytales and also being at our grandmothers’ houses. But gardening isn’t just for Eve and like Alice in Wonderland, it’s also a casual way of telling the world, “I’m nurturing but let’s not get carried away, I’m not ready for kids."

The gardening betch is an interesting breed. Most likely she lives in a tiny apartment in a big city and has been hardened by the brick walls of her building. Gardening satisfies the craving for lush greenery and reminds her that her heart isn’t actually made of cold concrete.  This betch can be found gardening in rooftop and community gardens without having to actually face the realities of living in a forest cut off from society. While she has hints of pseudo-hipster tendencies, she limits the time she spends in these gardens and can just as likely be found in a hot yoga or intro to aerial silks class.

The other casual gardener is the betch that brings home a plant and actually keeps it alive longer than a week. After keeping a thing alive, even if it can’t talk to you, you like the idea of keeping it alive, and things escalate from there. Plus, as you learned early on while fooling around in your parents car in high school – making things grow is actually kind of fun.

The best part about gardening is that it’s a way for you to take care of a living thing without committing too hard to it. Like, you might not actually be ready for a pet because let’s be real, you’d have to come home multiple times a day to let a dog out, and sometimes you can’t guarantee you’ll even be home all weekend. But with a plant, if you have one too many shots and crash on your friend’s couch, it will survive. And honestly even if it doesn’t, it’s a fucking plant.

What plants you want to grow obviously depends on where you live geographically. But you should aim to grow one of two things. Something that’s delicious and can be shared with guests for maximum domestic points, or something really pretty because flowers. Whatever your gardening preferences are, just remember that the difference between betches gardening and grandmothers gardening is all in the Instagram filter. 




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