August 8, 2013
This week on Ask a Pro, Head Pro throws his monthly bone to a high schooler (God, that sounds bad), and a gay bro asks Head Pro about gay stuff.
Dear Head Pro,
I'm a high schooler, and while I'm not sure that I qualify as betch, I have a betch-related question that I hope you can answer...
With guys, I always find myself in pretty much the same situation: my own volition or not, I am put in the "bro" category. Most of my female friends tell me that when we first met they thought I was an ice queen/were intimidated by me (but I try really hard to be super friendly and non-intimidating!), and I am used to finding myself the sole female in a group of guys while they talk about any and all things bro.
That was fine when I was young and a tomboy and thought Assassin's Creed was THE shit and when my favorite movies consisted of Pineapple Express, Superbad and Wedding Crashers (although nothing's really changed in that department), but now I'm ready to break this cycle and start being viewed as girlfriend material instead of bro material.
Is there any way to escape the "bro trap"?
Thanks for your time,
Try to keep in mind that given your age, much of the onus for your situation falls on the bros’ shoulders, not yours. That is, teenage boys aren’t the most socially adept animals, so they likely haven’t matured to the point where they can handle having a girl who is a friend but also doesn’t want to swap stories about the size of the dump they just took. You’re about to hit an age where interactions with boys will dominate an irrationally large portion of your waking hours, so all things considered, be glad that things are still relatively simple. As you get older, you’ll look back and be glad that you weren’t “that girl” in high school who only knew how to communicate with boys through her vagina.
You can’t control how fast the guys grow up, but if it’s that important to you, you can certainly take some steps to kind of differentiate yourself. What you want to avoid is being one of those girls who decides she’s way too cool for anything and walks around making sure everyone can see her car keys and starbucks cup. No one liked those girls then, and when I look back on highschool, they were just kids playing dress-up. If you want to do anything, take some time to find some new interests, and see if you can get your lady friends involved with you. The more you have things of your own going on outside of the group, the less the bros will see you as one of them. If you want the guys to pursue you, you have to make it clear that you have something to offer that they can’t get in their big bropack.
(besides your vagina, of course)
Dearest Head P,
Love the website, along with the advice you give, considering it's similar to what I would say. However, I am now in a weird sitch, especially for a gay bro. So my best friend (a total good girl, but trust me, we love her), is seeing this guy who she has gone on several dates with. In fact, he is somebody whom I have met myself, when a group of us go out.
My bestie just found out that he is also into the D, and is asking me if I would like to go 3-way with them - it's something he's always wanted to do. As hot as he is, I don't know if this is something I do? Would it hurt my friendship with my bestie? I would totally love to hook up with him, but not if it means shit getting awks with my bestie, you know? So, Head P, do I go for it, or just avoid this potential sitch.
Thanks in advance, Susan from Planned Parenthood (Kidding, it's me, Gay Male Betch)
I’m glad you only enjoy my advice because it’s the same advice you would give yourself. That’s high praise, I guess. Obviously, these are somewhat uncharted waters for me, but let’s work through some of the logistics, and hopefully we can flesh (haha) things out to where you can make an informed decision.
More than anything, you have to consider the semantics of this particular 3-way. Even though two dudes boffing one chick is kind of gay in and of itself, the devil’s 3-way typically takes place between a girl and two “straight” guys. This is not going to be one of those 3-ways. Assuming you’re all-the-way-out-there gay, you have to figure out how you’re expected to handle the female portion of the night’s festivities. As in, would you be asked to hump her as well, or maybe put her in the old rotisserie, as they say? If you’re cool with that, then things are looking up. If not, you’re basically left with two bros fucking one another, while the girl... is just there? That’s not a 3-way, that’s just gay sex with a chaperone.
You’ll really have to talk this out with all parties involved. For instance, what does the other guy want? Does he want to actually have full-on sex with you, or does he just want to toot your skin flute a little before fucking his girlfriend? And her, does she expect a double serving of man meat, or is she looking for, I don’t know, some kind of linked configuration where her boyfriend is the Lucky Pierre? I would think the whole issue of penetration could lead to problems as well. I mean, what if both of you are more into the top position? In that case I suppose the two of you could fool around a little bit, but again, why does she even need to be there for that?
Regarding the effect on your friendship, I think it all depends on her outlook on her relationship with her boyfriend. If she’s in it for the long haul but is so comfortable with her boyfriend’s sexuality and is so sex-positive that she wouldn’t mind doing it more than once, that’s great but you’d have to consider that you’d go from being a friend to kind of sort of a part of their relationship. That may not sit well with you, especially if she’s a really close friend. If she hasn’t fully absorbed the implications of his sexual proclivities and is just doing this out of respect for his desires/novelty, you might not want to get involved in something she could end up regretting, as that could also put a strain on your friendship.
So yeah, you’re going to have to figure this out between the 3 of you, which kind of takes the fun out of it. If all else fails, just get shitfaced and go to town on each other.
Kisses (no homo),