June 26, 2015
In this week's segment of children who are smarter than you: three teenagers have created a condom that changes colors when it detects an STI. We are truly living in the future.
Muaz Nawaz, Daanyaal Ali, and Chirag Shah, 13-14 year old students from London's Isaac Newton Academy, received the top health innovation prize at the TeenTech Awards for their aptly named S.T.Eye condoms. When I was 13 I was still trying to pass off baking soda volcanos at the science fair, but I guess contraceptives that prevent sexually transmitted diseases are cool, too.
Never again will you have to trust the word of the shady bro you're hooking up with. Just pop one of these bad boys on and wait to see if his dick starts glowing and then proceed to pick up your things and leave immediately. Different colors correspond to different diseases, which gives you a nice visual scale of just how quickly you need to get out.
Thank you genius teenagers for making it easier and safer for me to make questionable decisions when I'm drunk. You're doing God's work.