August 6, 2015
First there was “strobing”, which def sounded like it might have involved drugs, and now there’s “baking,” which almost certainly sounds like it involves drugs. Is the beauty community trying to subliminally tell me to hit up my dealer or something? Is he behind this?
Though the drag queens that created “baking” may or may not have been baked out of their fucking minds when they came up with it, baking is actually just another trend that’s come to light because of Kim Kardashian. Shocker! *Sigh*, what I would give to have people attaching their weirdo beauty fetishes to my name.
Yes, Kim, or more accurately her leading “visionary”, has given this technique the spotlight, but she didn’t come up with it. This shit has been around for decades. If you decide to get baked, here’s how.
1. Apply your foundation as usual.
2. Apply a shit ton of concealer under your eyes in a triangle shape.
3. Smooth out the edges of the triangle shape you just created.
4. Dust an obscene amount of powder over the concealer.
5. Then, let everything just hang out there--or “bake” on your face--for about 10-20 minutes while you do your eye makeup or stare at your cuticles.
6. Lightly brush the powder away.
7. Then contour, or strobe, or whatever the kids are calling it these days.
Unless you're an idiot, you’ve realized by now that this is not a light, natural, carefree makeup look, and therefore is not advisable for daily use. It really doesn’t make sense for you to do this every day unless you’re on a Broadway stage, or you’re a Kardashian. Yeah, it does make your face look ultra matte and perfect from really far away, but if anyone gets close to you, they’ll immediately notice that you bear a strong resemblance to the stars of White Chicks. Whether or not you want that for yourself is only something you can decide.