202. Getting Shit For Free

By The Betches

It’s well known that most betches are rich as fuck. Be it from a long line of old trust fund money like former betch Paris Hilton or via hard work through some of the most difficult jobs in society, like modeling, acting, and digitally enhanced singing. However, no matter how much money a betch’s dad has, one thing is for certain: she is personally never paying for shit.

Why? Because paying for shit is for ugly people. No we’re not talking about like Shameless style trashy shit like a dine-and-dash. We’re talking about legally sanctioned discrimination against fugly people. I mean look at Lindsay Lohan. You think she has ever paid a cover to get into a club in her life? People pay a cover to fucking see her. The betch probably thought Chateau Marmont was delivering her appearance fee when she received her letter being banned from their premises.

But not paying for shit isn’t just for celebs. The average betch knows that while bros need to empty their wallets and pride in order to go out at night, all a betch needs to do is put on a short dress and her tallest pumps in order to get all the free drinks, drugs, and dinners on premises. Fact is, if you’re spending more than 15 dollars out in a major city at night you need to fucking lose twenty pounds.

Sure women may have been second-class citizens for the past several thousand years but one thing we’ve always had on bros is that we’re never fucking buying. Any guy who would actually accept a drink, a cab ride, or half a dinner check from a girl has a spot reserved in the lowest circle of hell. I mean paying for food is lose-lose. You have to pay for it and then your ass is the only one that gets to keep it.

So remember, the only things a betch should ever pay for are her tampons and the secret lip injections that she doesn’t want anyone else to know about. In the words of former Betch of the Week Beyonce, Do you pay my telephone bills? Do you pay my automo' bills? If you did then maybe we could chill.




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