September 4, 2014
Dear Instagram Whore,
Oh look, another selfie by you. How fucking thrilling. I can appreciate a good selfie, it’s like whatever. What I cannot appreciate is your fucking caption with a quote from Audrey Hepburn. Bitch, you’re taking a mirror selfie in a crowded ass bar and you’re wearing a neon crop top. What is the correlation between that inspirational quote and whatever you’re doing right now? Are you trying to inspire others to look trashy in a public setting?
When Myspace was around (tbt), girls used to post song lyrics as captions for their pictures. And it was fucking annoying. Congrats, you listen to Top 40 songs! You don’t need to document the lyrics for me.
Nowadays, we have bitches like you, who quote a bunch of obscure lines from dead people under irrelevant photos of your morning coffee. I shouldn’t feel like I’m reading a goddam biography every time I scroll through my instagram. If you wanna quote shit, take your ass to tumblr or pinterest.
Some of the quotes that kill me the most are the ones that are very clearly made up. Can you include a fucking bibliography with your biography instagram please, because I’m trying to check your sources. Much like the back building that burnt down in 1987, that Marilyn Monroe quote does not exist.
My personal hell is reading some quote about an “independent woman” or “strength of a lady.” Destiny’s Child called and they want their theme to every fucking song back. Could you be anymore generic? You can sugar coat it any way you want, we all know you’re alone and probably taking a picture at home in your parent’s bathroom.
I should also tell you that I unfollowed you a while ago, because acknowledging your existence on instagram was social suicide for me. I’m just giving you a heads up because I am such a good friend.
Give it a fucking rest,