January 14, 2013
So last night there was the option of watching Girls win like a milli golden globes or watching its very own season premiere, but much like Hannah I had my cake and ate it too and watched both and fucking loved them. It's rare that we recap anything in a real and honest way, but I loved this episode for so many reasons. From the way Lena's writing has gotten way quicker, funnier, and just generally better, to the sick Bruce cover in the closing credits it's easily the best half hour I've watched in 2013. Ok that's enough non-sarcastic praise for one recap.
Of course within the first three minutes there was already no shortage of Hannah's naked body or Marnie being a stuckup bitch. Hannah's even hooking up with a black guy, because once a JAB has lost her virg to a gentile they really needed a new way to push the envelope, and apparently interracial dating is the boundary du'jour. Whats next, anal sex? Trannies? Pinkberry vs. Red Mango?
Hannah and Marnie have completely switched places this season in that Hannah has her shit together, with multiple guys who are into her, paying jobs and a new gay BFF roomie who's way more fun than Marnie. Meanwhile Marnie has no job, a psychotic anorexic mother who's casually Tom Hanks' wife, and as evident by her willingness to fuck her best friend's gay ex-boyfriend, has moved out on Hannah and is currently residing in the third circle of desperation. Oh my how the second-hand salvation army coffee table has turned.
And then there's Shoshanna. She's without hymen and apparently has taken to incense and spiritual incantations to fill her inner void, pun inevitable. Did she get these dreamlike smoke substances from the shuk on birthright or the crack store in Brooklyn? Between her karaoke and her interactions with Ray she really was the star of the episode. We will say this, Ray's pickup line of "pretty bitchin cheese plate you brought over" was apparently O M G effin' amaze, because they hooked up in the end. Also, defriending him on Facebook...huge amateur move...she would.
Oh, and nice half head of braids Jessa, you and Officer Rhodes really blend in with the Mexicans now.
"I'm sorry I have a boner, it's not for you."
"When you love someone you don't have to be nice to them all the time." The best shady asshole line since "it is what it is."
Marnie's mom: You wouldn't talk to your friends like this..
Marnie: I talk to my friends way worse than this.
"I wouldn't even sleep with a cater waiter, and they're MY age." Sure Marnie, but you'd sleep with a guy who takes it up the ass.
"You sent me...a panda next to a gun next to a wrapped gift!?" Best line of the night because duh, we wouldn't NOT send that to someone.
"Bisexuals are like the only people left you can make fun of. Bisexuals and Germans."
Cause you don't wanna miss a thing