Girls Recap: The friEnd

By The Betches

Last night on Girls, our favorite characters took a break from thinking about boys to think seriously about how much they hate each other. Except of course for Shoshana, who only has a one track mind and that one track just keeps replaying The Olsen Twins’ Holiday in the Sun on repeat.

We started off the episode at the book party of Tally aka Hannah’s arch nemesis aka Baby from Dirty Dancing. Hannah is obviously fucking freaking out that someone is more successful than she is and from her incessant bitching it’s clear she should've spent less time majoring in feeling sorry for herself and more time putting baby in a corner.

Ah, someone else’s success, just the boost Hannah needed to get her shit together and attend readings with Christopher from The Sopranos. Only in this HBO show instead of beating the shit out of his girlfriend with his gun, he’s validating fat girls’ emotional turmoil.

girls recap leave me alone"I have this theory that if you cut off all her hair she'd look like a British man."

Hannah’s reading was sooo Hannah. She WOULD think that the formula to literary success is the sudden death of a cyber pen pal. The only thing missing was a tale of two competing book stores. “I met Igor online. Igor's screen name was NY152. Can you spell dog? F-O-X."


It was also great how Hannah was extremely baffled when Ray informed her that there are other issues going on in the world than her own. Oh, and then calls out her wardrobe in a way so accurate we almost think he could be gay. Come back with a cute top and a nice pair of jeans with a slim leg... a slim leg... slim leg.

So Shosh has entered the magical world of online dating and makes her first astute statement of the season, which is that only ugly people do Match. Her soliloquy/monologue is like a stream of consciousness of conversations overheard in Murray Hill.

girls recap leave me alone

Every time I see Jessa’s boss I just think of her as the blubbering mess from both How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and Step Brothers. This woman has clearly been typecast as a pathetic loser so not surprisingly, she gives pretty good fucking advice. “You're doing all these things to distract yourself from becoming the person you're meant to be.” Wouldn't it be great if we could use that excuse to justify all the fucked up shit we do like use people and eat our friends' yogurt.


Naturally since betches hate their besties, the most enjoyable part of the episode was blowout fight between Hannah and Marnzybitch. As they were playing hot potato with the wound line all we could think about was which one of our friends is the deepest wound. Which only proves that Girls is SO FUCKING REAL. In classic fashion the girls claimed they would never come to such low blows, as they simultaneously came to the aforementioned low blows. We must say though, props to Hannz for her restraint in not calling Marnie out for constantly outfit-repeating the Banana Republic Mad Men collection.

I'm a good friend! No I’m a good friend! We only talk about your problems! You’re jealous that I have a boyfriend!! I pay your rent!! Even though Marnie alluded to it, we were honestly waiting for her to just call Hannah out for being fat because we all know that’s really the only elephant in the room here. No pun intended.

Ah Girls, just like Sex and the City, except after watching it I want to shop for shoes less and kill myself and my roommate more.





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