Girls Recap: Soft Core Ping Porn | Betches

Girls Recap: Soft Core Ping Porn

By The Betches

Sunday's episode of Girls was like watching your fat funny friend try and squeeze her way into a size 4 body contour dress. Slow, heartbreakingly painful, and extremely unattractive.


Let's start with the opening scene. What the fuck is Hannah wearing and does she not own a full length body mirror so as to be able to see how large her legs look in that romper? Anyway Joshua comes in and has a fight with Ray because Ray is probs in a shitty mood lately since Shoshana has realized that the fact that her boyfriend is homeless means she doesn't have to fuck him every night. Ray then actually calls Joshua a fucking meatball which is weird because there's a real meatball in a romper standing right next to him.

So really, HBO we're supposed to believe that the REALLY HOT guy from The Switch and Young Adult lives in Brooklyn, is a doctor, and fucks girls that look like Hannah for three days straight. We think not.

Hannah goes to Joshua's to spill her Usher style confessions and winds up kissing him. Honestly the only accurate thing about this episode was the notion that the biggest aphrodisiac for a twenty-something broke girl is a guy who can afford the finest Macy's kitchenware and a brownstone.

Okay so Hannah claims in season 1 that she's only had sex with two guys yet her whole new experiences kick has her fucking random junkies and people she meets on the street left and right.

Joshua tells Hannah she's beautiful and I immediately think, "Shit. Not this bullshit again." Why do people always try and say this shit in shows and movies like everyone is fucking beautiful. They're not. Sure it's subjective but just like some people are objectively not funny and not smart, objectively not everyone is fucking beautiful so Girls should stop trying to pretend like they are. This isn't a goddamn Dove commercial.

Which brings us back to the running theme of every episode. Why does Hannah constantly have to show her boobs? This isn't Game of Thrones, the pointless nudity shit is extremely unpleasing to the eye. Like Hannah could you not play ping pong with a fucking bra and shorts on? Watching this episode feels like the agony of waiting for that foreign film in French class to end where you have no idea what's going on in order to say you've observed something semi cultured.

Hannah faints in Joshua's shower because she's as overwhelmed as a tween touching Justin Bieber's shoe at a concert at her stroke of luck that someone would want to have three whole sleepovers with her. This whole "please don't tell anyone this but I want to be happy" rant is such bullshit and I can really appreciate how even Joshua can sense that this girl has too much emotional meta baggage to fit in with his Pier 1 imports. But at least Hannah can call herself out on her pseudo tortured artist wanna-be lifestyle.

Finally, Hannah has not changed her underwear in like 3 days in order to add a special frosting to the disgustingness pie. In addition, no one seems to know/care where she's been.

Some decent quotes

"I put trash in places it shouldn't really go it's kind of like my vice." Right Hannah, that's your vice – not food, cocaine, or fucking junkies. Garbage pails are your worst habit.

'What the fuck are you guys looking at? Go back to your panda videos before I turn off the wi-fi."




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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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