Typically, the Golden Globes is the award ceremony known as the one where everyone gets totally tanked. It’s kind of infamously known as the sloppiest televised night in Hollywood. This year, while I’m sure people still got super drunk (I’m looking at you, Franco Brothers), the blackout was of a different kind. As anyone with internet access (or at the very least, cable) probably knows, celebrities wore black to the event in support of the Time’s Up initiative, which helps fight sexual harassment against in the workplace. Although it wasn’t officially strictly enforced, this was basically the most important dress code since the Plastics decided to wear pink on Wednesdays. Because the whole point is to bring women together, anyone who didn’t wear black wasn’t like, ridiculously shamed or anything, but they were still noted. So this year we’re doing things a little differently with our best and worst dressed list. We’ll highlight the people who looked especially amazing (since everyone looks good in black), and point out those who, for whatever reason, chose not to.
THE BEST
1. Saoirse Ronan
Saoirse Ronan is totally on top of the fucking world right now. Everyone’s obsessed with her, she just won Best Actress for her performance in Lady Bird, and we all can finally almost pronounce her name without having to Google it. Plus, she had someone FaceTime her mom to watch her acceptance speech. Her edgy Atelier Versace gown is to die for, and I think we all wish we could look half as good with such minimal makeup.
2. Kerry Washington
If anyone in this world is capable of making a sequin high-low dress look incredible, it’s Olivia Pope. I mean, Kerry Washington. Obviously, she’s powerful enough to do anything (she’s literally pulling off purple eyeliner here). I don’t see why she can’t save the real-life America. Maybe if/when Oprah runs for President, Kerry can be her VP.
3. Angelina Jolie
Angelina Jolie also wore Atelier Versace. This custom gown is totally the personification of the “me when I answer the door of my mansion pretending to be shocked when I learn my 78-year-old husband just died” meme. I’m so into it, mostly because I often forget that Mr. & Mrs. Smith is a movie and not real life, and she’s not actually going to assassinate Brad Pitt. (Probably.)
4. Millie Bobby Brown
Millie Bobby Brown is barely old enough to be left unattended in a tanning salon lobby, but I’m still going to include her in every best dressed list because she always serves a perfect look. Honesty, it’s unfair that the girl will never have an awkward phase, and I will be bringing it up with my therapist during my next session. Millie’s backless Calvin Klein dress is super sophisticated in the cutest way possible and probably makes you want to hide your bat mitzvah photos for the rest of eternity.
5. Oprah Winfrey
I mean, fucking duh, it’s Oprah. Obviously the woman we all wish was our mom, best friend, boss, and president slayed. I actually don’t know if Oprah has ever looked better. I’m pretty sure everyone’s still crying from her speech, so there’s that, too.
6. Alison Brie
Dress/pants hybrids are usually as risky as drinking tequila while taking antibiotics, but Alison Brie’s outfit absolutely nailed it. It also had pockets, so it’s the ultimate “thanks it has pockets” gown.
7. Zoe Kravitz
At first glance, Zoe Kravitz’s Golden Globes look is really simple with splashes of color in her jewelry and makeup. Obviously, Zoe has her shit together enough to strategically choose even her earrings and ring. Emerald stones are meant to symbolize hope and growth, and were worn by a few actresses as a further statement. This totally makes me feel like a POS for generally having “I can find two of them while on my way out the door” as the primary criteria for choosing earrings.
EVERYONE WHO MISSED THE ‘WEAR BLACK’ MEMO
1. Blanca Blanco
Blanca explained her fashion choice to Fox News, saying, “I love red,” which is kind of like when Kelly Kapoor wore white to Phyllis’ wedding because it was “an emergency,” and the emergency was she looks really good in white. Blanca clarified, “Wearing red does not mean I am against the movement. I applaud and stand by the courageous actresses that continue to break the cycle of abuse through their actions and fashion style choices. It is one of many factors leading women to a safer place because of their status. I am excited about the #TimesUp movement; true change is long overdue.”
2. Frances McDormand
We’re willing to give Frances McDormand the benefit of the doubt because she was so amazing in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, a movie that I bet nobody my age saw, except for me. It’s clear from Frances’ acceptance speech that she wasn’t intentionally making a statement against the #TimesUp movement with her dress choice, but rather, she grabbed this navy dress in the dark while rushing out the door. Let he who has never gotten dressed with the lights off cast the first stone.
3. Barbara Meier
I’ll save you the trouble of Googling and let you know that Barbara Meier is a German model who won Germany’s Next Topmodel in 2006. It’s unclear why she was there in the first place—maybe to keep Kendall Jenner company?—and she basically went in the total opposite direction of everyone else, sporting a multicolored floral dress. Awkward. Barbara defended her decision to not wear black, basically saying that women should be able to wear whatever they want, which nobody is arguing with. She said in a translated Instagram post, “We were fighting for a long time for the freedom to wear what it is ok, to dress up a little more sexy. If we now restrict this, because some men can not control themselves, this is a huge step back in my opinion,” seemingly missing the point that nobody cares that she dressed sexy, just that she didn’t wear black. Oh well. Can’t win ’em all.
4. Meher Tatna
As the President of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, you would think Meher Tatna would have gotten the memo that on the Sunday of the Golden Globes, we wear black. In her defense, though, a source told The Wrap that Tatna “wore the dress that she chose with her mother,” adding, “As part of her Indian culture, it’s customary to wear a festive color during a celebration.” So like, okay, we’re not going to argue with her culture. Sources also say that she’s a big supporter of Time’s Up, so we’ll let it slide. her shoes are black, at least?
