Golden Milk: For Your Hangover

By Betchy Crocker

It’s Thursday – the biggest tease of the week. Some of you may be hungover. For those who aren’t, I have nothing to say to you, and it’s mostly because my head is throbbing.

Recently it came to our attention that there was yet another hangover cure to be tested by betches everywhere. It’s called golden milk, and while we’re not crazy about the name, it is pretty fucking good at helping us not feel like shit after drinking 10 shots of tequila or if you have something gross like a cold or the flu.

Why? Because it has ginger and turmeric; two herb- things which have been used since, like, forever. We assume use began on the third day; when God created the Remington action rifle so that man could fight the dinosaurs and the homosexuals. Anyway, both are known to help conquer everything from the common cold to nausea ... turmeric and ginger... not dinosaurs and homosexuals.


  • 2 cups of coconut milk
  • 1-2 tsps dried turmeric powder (it’s bright yellow and if you’re grocer isn’t Whole Foods, you can find it at Asian places which may or may not be questionable)
  • 1 inch fresh ginger, peeled and thinly diced
  • A pinch of black pepper
  • Honey to taste

Heat the coconut milk in a saucepan over medium heat. Don’t fucking boil it. Add the turmeric, ginger, and pepper and let simmer together until tiny bubbles form on the outside of the saucepan. Don’t let the milk overheat and continue stirring. If you are looking at Facebook/Instagram/Twitter you’ll likely miss the fact that the whole thing is boiling over and your puppy is licking it off the floor and goddamn it why didn’t I just have wine.

Turn off the heat, cover, and allow the mixture to sit for ten minutes or so. Add the honey and allow to sit for a minute of two more. Strain the whole concoction so that you can remove all those pieces of ginger and pepper. Serve.

I’m not guaranteeing this will help your cold but I am saying that the Indian people I work with drink this and they’re never sick/hungover. This milk is full of (medicinal) secrets.




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