73. Gossip Girl

By The Betches

Okay, so we admit we haven't actually watched Gossip Girl since Season 3 because it jumped the shark sometime around Serena's fifteenth shady love affair with someone twice her age, also married, but we can't deny that Gossip Girl as a franchise is extremely betchy.


gossipgirlThe show was great for our #5 diets. Puke break!


So about the show... We don't really like what they did there by essentially taking away all the edge from the masterpieces that were the Gossip Girl books novels. If we wanted to watch poorly scripted plot lines about rich kids and their day-to-day troubles, we'd tune into The Hills. Chuck's mom isn't really dead? She's coming back to life? What the fuck? No. Just no.

Also, Serena used to be a big cokehead at like, what? 14? If Serena were still like the real Serena, we'd be into it, but she's not. She tries to be all nice and shit and date a poor guy, but she's just really fucking bad at it.

And Serena would never EVER want to go to Brown. What's next? Jenny goes to MIT?

Not only do we love Leighton Meester, but we also love how they manage to bring back Blair's bulimia whenever they're running low on story arcs. Quick, Blair's throwing up! Somebody call the New York Times!


gossipgirlThere's only one thing right with this picture. The iced coffee.


Taylor Momsen dresses like a freak. The real Jenny Humphrey is supposed to have red hair and freckles and not be fucking flat chested. Seriously they butchered this poor girl.

Our last quip is that it's weird that no one on the show got a Blackberry until like, three years after everyone else did. Yet another unrealistic sell out move. It would be like betches promoting Kate Spade messenger bags.

But our favorite part of Gossip Girl is that no one ever acknowledges the fact that they're all being stalked. Seriously, text message updates? Spotted S and B hanging out on the Empire Rooftop... Leave the creepy pseudo lesbian texting to Pretty Little Liars.

Oh, and if we did watch past season 3, it was purely for the entertainment of reading the Daily Intel recap the next morning. That shit was L O fucking L.

As for the books, they were great. So fucking betchy. They were a thousand times more accurate in every way, from their use of brand promotion to the way they describe sex scenes and relationships.

Still, we're into the secret identity thing, and that's why we'll never reveal our own.

We'll leave you with a hint though. We run shit, we have millions of followers, and we have a whole entourage of bros who bow down to us. And we’re not the fucking Pope.

xoxo, B's.



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