February 12, 2015
News Flash: Greece (sadly) isn’t one big toga party. Actually, living in Greece is getting pretty shitty, like a not everyone has an iPhone shitty. They decided the only way out of this one is to change their currency back to whatever monopoly money the used in the dark ages before the Euro. By “they” I mean their newly elected Prime Minister, and his sidekick (formally referred to as “Financial Minister”) who can sometimes be seen sporting a leather jacket, and never a tie. Let me explain to you why there is more shit talking in Greece now than there was when the Kardashians were there (via Clueless gifs).
A little context: Some time around when NSYNC broke up a bunch of European countries got together and decided that they were all gonna switch to the same money, enter the Euro. But not just anyone could switch to the Euro, you had to be rich enough, duh.
Everyone was surprised when Greece qualified as rich enough but assumed that like maybe they were really modest or something. It actually turns out that Greece got so much FOMO about the idea of not being included in the Euro that they lied to get in.
A few years of their economy shitting the bed later, they basically admitted that they are a lot better at making yogurt than they are at making money.
Unfortunately for everyone, the “must be rich enough to have the Euro” criteria was put in place because the strength of the currency is dependent on every country pulling their weight. In this case, Greece was a sumo wrestler in a coma.
Other countries agreed to spot Greece money, but they had to promise to ball on a budget. At first this was in a “time to crack down on the apparently thousands of people who falsely claimed to be blind in order to collect benefits” kind of way.
The plot thickened and things got worse, like a 25% unemployment rate worse. To put things in perspective, The White House begins contemplating suicide when it's at like 6%.
Now Greece has raked up more IOU’s than the number of shoes Cher has in her closet. The new Prime Minister is over it and proposing that they perform a “Grexit” that a) gets rid of the Euro, and b) magically make all the money they owe disappear.
This would not only fuck all of the other Eurozone countries over, but also tarnish the reputation of the European Union.
TBH, whether or not Greece succeeds in their little “Grexit Strategy” or not, they’re not gonna be fancy for a while.