April 23, 2015
Nothing brings you back to 9th grade memories quite like suddenly feeling something sort of firm rub up against your butt followed by an awkward sweaty hand grab. We’re talking about grinding here, hopefully something that’s only a distant throwback for all except that one time you got really drunk at your sister’s wedding.
According to the always reliable source, Wikipedia, “grinding gained widespread popularity as a hip hop dance in night clubs, and eventually moved on to high school and middle school dances especially in the US and Canada.” Now talk about a piece of scholarly research that’s getting to the point and telling it how it is. By the time a betch was about to enter middle school, she was practicing grinding at bestie sleepovers and getting ready to show her stuff as soon as the back to school dance hit her social radar.
Grinding was the fucking worst not only because it was really pretty boring, but also because it took out everything fun about pre-dance foreplay. Like you’d just stand in a circle awkwardly swaying with your core crowd of 8th graders and then some unknown bro would just come up from behind you. You’d dance with him for a little, praying to God that you could get on the same beat, and then you’d mouth at your bestie “Who the fuck is this? Should I keep going or get the fuck out?!?!” and with her eyes she’d have to tell you whether or not you needed to tell him that you have to go to the bathroom.
Grinding got a little more fun in high school when you got more comfortable in your own awkward sluttiness. The best part was that it pissed off the dance chaperones i.e. your gym teacher, but since like, everyone was doing it, there was little they could do to stop it. If you got yelled at, you and your hot date could just escape from your obvi jealous teacher and just get into the middle of the dance pit and rub your pasty bodies to Get Low.
These days, a little grinding can still come out to play as long as it’s sarcastic or if it’s just what the molly is telling you is right. Like you know it was a big one if you’re at hungover brunch rehashing the night and admitting to your people that “Luckily I don’t remember this but I just opened a Snapchat from last night of Mollie in a grinding circle with randos? Mollie?? What do you have to say for yourself??”