The Betches' Guide To Chanukah | Betches

The Betches' Guide To Chanukah

By Sgt. Olivia Betchson

This week marks the start of Chanukah best 8 days out of the whole year for a JAB, besides her birthday week. It can also be spelled Hannukah or Hanukkah or Howeverthefuckyouwannakah, for the purposes of consistency I’m spelling it one way and sticking to it. Anyways, there are a lot of parts to Chanukah, like lighting the menorah every night, getting together with family you don’t like that much, and playing spin the dreidel, but in this guide I’m going to stick to the betchiest parts of the holiday, aka, getting free shit, eating, drinking, and making it all about you.

And for all you angry commenters who are about to accuse me of anti-Semitism, I’m a JAB so go eat some gelt and fucking live a little.





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