Do Exes Only Want You Back Once You've Moved On? Ask a Pro

Send Head Pro your questions about life, love and sex with high school students (his favorite!) at [email protected]

Dear head pro,

I've been off and on hooking up with this guy for almost three years. He's a year younger than me (he's a senior in high school, and I'm a freshman in college). We are a part of the same friend group and regularly hang out as just friends, but have also had bouts of hooking up and still do... What's winter break without hooking up with somebody from high school? Over the past few years, we have gone through a lot of drama for just being "friends with benefits". Now that I have gotten a taste of older boys, I see him for the little boy he still is, but I also got a little jealous when I saw him all over one of his exes at the same party as me... Three days after we had sex. I am back in my hometown for spring semester and shocker: I have needs and he's a convenient hookup.   I would like to keep our friendship and still be able to have the benefits. Is it normal that I'm feeling slightly jealous? Do I do nothing about it? Am I degrading myself if I ignore his immaturity just for sex?


Confused fuck buddy

Well for starters, while winter break is indeed incomplete without hooking up with someone from high school, it's something entirely different when the person is still IN high school. But the whole "older guy/younger girl = cool, older girl/younger guy = weird" thing isn't the most positive stereotype to promote, so I'm going to do my best to overlook that. Is it normal to feel a little jealous? Sure. The problem with viewing the people we fuck as our property is that it's EXACTLY what seems to come naturally to people, especially when we're teenagers. It may not be rational to get jealous of him flirting with the girl that he ACTUALLY DATED after you two banged, but it is nonetheless normal.

But as far as ignoring it and soldiering on with your lolita fantasy being degrading, that's a different issue. Degradation is pretty personal -- a lot of people view porn as degrading to women, but obviously the ones who do it (or at least, the handful who actively pursue it) don't. So if you were to ask a third party whether it's degrading to keep fucking the guy who clowns on you with his ex just because he has a familiar and working penis, a lot of people would probably say yes. It's not what anyone would call "winning" -- oh, you convinced a teenage boy to fuck you but also fuck other girls? WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?

If the jealousy is minor enough and you insist upon having a fuck buddy who you can also help with A/B Calculus, then I say go for it. But that's pretty much the only scenario where this works, because you can't put conditions on it. Doing so would make this not a good fuck buddy situation (which themselves are about as common as an unretouched photo of a Kardashian), but the worst kind of open relationship. Open relationships are already the worst kinds of relationships, so keep that in mind.

Dear Head Pro,

What makes men come back to their exes? I dated this d-bag for a spell. Then had several flings yet none lasted more than a few months, making me wonder about my ex. He moved out of state & we lost touch but a few months ago, word got out that I was seeing someone new as my ex was suddenly friendly with me again. We texted and emailed but that stopped after a few weeks. Maybe he got bored? I had broken up with my boyfriend in hopes of reconciling but by the the time that had happened,my ex had found someone new & I was out of the picture. Now, I am single again confused as hell. Do men like to chase & play games to get the girl & once they do, it's downhill from there? What the hell happened?

This is like a bad dream I swear...

As I like to say, hooking up with an ex is like leaving the house in sweatpants -- it feels good until someone catches you doing it. Exes are also not unlike food you've left in the office freezer for a month, in that you couldn't care less about them until someone asks about the burrito hiding in the corner. Hands off, fucker. That thing's mine until I say it's not.

I'm assuming like most couples you all followed each other copiously on social media, so between that and the grapevine he found out you were off the market. I don't care who you are, but it's weird when that happens. Maybe it's just a guy thing, but when you end a relationship with a girl (or she ends it, whatever), you want to be able to sit back and delude yourself into thinking that you've RUINED her for other men. No one can work the dick as well, no one's jokes are as funny, no one's muscles are as big, etc. This is obviously moronic, but it doesn't stop us from doing it. I have multiple exes who are MARRIED and I still think to myself "heh, I bet he still doesn't know about that thing she likes with her butt."

Rather than some magical effect of you putting yourself back on the market in hopes of reconciliation (don't do that, btw), I'm guessing the cocktail of novelty and nostalgia wore off for him and that's why he moved on. He does live in another state, after all. I think that's really all it was, so you don't need to concern yourself with What This Really Means For Everything. Sometimes, it's not that complicated.

Send Head Pro your questions about life, love and sex with high school students (his favorite!) at [email protected]




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