Gwyneth Paltrow Is Releasing A Skin Care Line

By Betch Du Jour

In today's white people doing unimportant things news, Gwyneth Paltrow's skin care line now has a launch date. Set to come out in January of 2016, GP* said in regards to the line “In my own life, I don't have a [beauty] product that is as luxurious and high-performing as it is clean," which is definitely not what she said about Chris Martin.

But the real question is: should we all be lining up to purchase her pretentious products come the new year? It’s been a debatable topic in line with whether or not GP is a true betch. For one, she’s really bad at being poor (see: the food bank challenge of 2015). For another, people love to talk about her, which is an inherently betchy trait. Yet, she insists on living a “clean” lifestyle which definitely means she’s against toxins (i.e. drugs) and that's not chill. Also what kind of legitimate betch makes a website that’s all about how she’s better than you and then names it Goop?

Regardless of GP’s status as true betch/not a true betch, there are a lot of questions I’ll need answered before I can commit to buying any of the products (there will be 6 in the line, FYI) when they hit Goop's e-commerce platform. As in, will everything have an unreasonable amount of limes? (Because there had to be a reason for those.) Will GP create product phrases that make things more uncomfortable/confusing/unclear for everyone such as “conscious uncoupling?" Side note: if she makes a product called unconscious anything, I'd probably buy that just for blackout Wednesday usage. However, if any form of the word "Goop" is used on packaging, including all derivatives of said word, I'm fucking out.

*Her servants employees refer to her only as GP and just in case the illuminati is real I would like to respect GP's wishes.





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