Besides sending Baked by Melissa, Momofuku, or an Insomnia cookie cake, every betch knows the essential way to wish your bestie a happy birthday is to write the perfect post on her wall. Even if you just spent the entire day talking shit about her for inviting your ex-boyfriend to her birthday pregame, today she is “your best friend in the entire world.” This post will not only secure you a seat next to her at her birthday dinner, but it will allow for everyone on social media to know that you have once crossed paths. Do not ever consider Instagramming it, you will not get likes, and it will ruin your ratio. So here are a few tips to help you outdo the rest of your squad’s posts.
The picture you use is obviously the most important part of the post; it is the only thing anyone actually looks at (who the fuck actually reads other peoples' birthday posts?) Unless you are over the age of 50 or stuck in 2014, don’t even consider making a Pic Stitch. The key to the perfect picture is: A) an embarrassing drunk picture (probably from a previous birthday), B) a picture from when you were in preschool, or C) a picture where you obviously look better than the birthday girl. (Oh and be sure not to forget to comment on EVERY picture from your past while stalking your friendship to find the perfect one).