251. Having a Love-Hate Relationship With Club Promoters

By Is Vodka A Carb?

Betches and club promoters 100% have a symbiotic relationship, like the plant to the planet or the playmate to Hugh Heffner. But like any mutually dependent and beneficial tie, shit is gonna get dramatic from time to time.

It all starts with the fact that betches kind of love club promoters and also kind of hate them. On one side of the equation, they get us bottle service, treat us like celebs and don’t even annoy us with midday sober texts on a Tuesday unless it’s along the lines of “wanna get on x list.” On the other hand, it’s obvious to any betch with a brain that they’re just using us to make it look like the nightclub pulls in hot chicks without even trying. It’s kind of like going to Hawaii for free with the family you nanny for except you’re not getting paid for the actual babysitting. Worth it? No. Maybe. Probably. Eh, yeah, it is.

Using club promoters responsibly is all about taking advantage of the opportunities they give you without looking like you’re getting used as a pump-up doll at their latest event. Which means when it comes to you and your club promoter, you need to make sure you’re in the driver’s seat. It’s sort of like dating, except even more manipulative and alcohol fueled.

The first step to using your club promoter responsibly is making sure that you have more than one. If he knows that his offer is your only option, then he can pull off saying that you have to get to the club before 10 to get a free table. Then, once he thinks you’re A) really popular and B) guaranteed to show up with a crew that’s a fucking good time, he’ll start hooking you up with better deals and your relationship can become more open and trustworthy. Like, “I’ll bring 15 girls if you supply unlimited Grey Goose and don’t let any business men over 30 near our table. Xxxxx love you mean it.”

Plus, there’s obvi a difference between your regular club promoter and your promoter when you’re on vaca. Likely, you’re kind of friends with the main bro that is texting you every Thursday to see how you’d like to plan out your free weekend. You probs only accidentally no-show on him a few times a month, and might even be FB friends. But, your generic Vegas club promoter is a whole different story. That’s when the games really begin. First off all, you need to have like 15 of them, and they’re going to be more desperate than your Mom after her third divorce. Since what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas until the club album gets posted online, you can absolutely have four tables lined up and then not show up to any of them because you ended up in a limo with the cast from Thunder Down Under all night. All you have to do is send a nice apology text the next morning in response to their twelve “Where r u???” texts and then they’ll be all over it again next time you’re in town.

So betches, when it comes to club promoters, it doesn’t matter if you love them or hate them, you just better know them.




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