June 10, 2015
I am in a very shitty situation at the moment. I have a boyfriend who I've been with for about 4 years. I used to love him until he cheated on me 2 years ago. He completely lost my trust and although he has tried very hard for the past 2 years to fix that, I am extremely unable to forgive him. BUT I can't break up with him.
About 3 months ago I met this guy at my school and have been hooking up with him since then. He is pretty smart, hot and a "nice guy." I say that in quotes because I know deep down he is but he is scared of being real nice to me because he knows I have a boyfriend.
One day, 2 months ago, he told me that he couldn't see me anymore until I was single because he wasn't "that type of guy." Until then I had no feelings for him, but when I read his text message I began to believe that maybe he wanted me to be more than his fuck buddy. We stopped talking for like a week but suddenly, I got another text message from him saying that he wanted to see me again.
HERE IS WHERE EVERYTHING STARTS GOING DOWNFUCKINGHILL.
Now I am incapable of staying away from him. I am constantly thinking about him. I was also basic enough to tell him that I liked him and perhaps wanted to be more than just a fuck buddy. I was ready to break up with my bf. I really thought he would fall into my arms and say "me too" but he completely blew me off and said "I am too busy with school right now so I don't want a relationship." I know he is a computer science major and that I have a boyfriend. I understand that perhaps he is always busy but I really like him now. I think that's just an excuse.
Currently we are on our summer break and we are exactly 382 miles apart (ok I might be a stalker). I added him on snapchat and he is constantly seeing my snaps so I put up a pic with my boyfriend to make him a little jealous. The same exact day he put up a pic of him and his ex. I confronted him about it and he ignored me. I dont know what to do! I am obsessed with him, but he is not obsessed with me, so what is this??
Do you think he likes me at least a little bit?? I am so afraid; he is a good catch. I am just in so much shit now and I don't know what to do to show him that I am a good catch too. I am smart, pretty and fun. What else does he want? :(
I know you will think I sound super desperate, but that's because I am.
Dear Desperate Betch,
First of all, I get it. We all get crazy over shit like this. But honestly, I don’t know why you even wrote into us because you obviously already know what you have to do.
1. “I used to love him.” Ok so you don’t currently love your BF and it sounds like he doesn’t go to your school, so you guys obvs don’t even bone that much. So I don’t understand why you didn’t break up with him 2 years ago because betches don’t deal with cheaters, especially if there are no side perks.
2. “That type of guy.” About the fuck buddy, again, I get it. But seriously, this is so classic that I can’t even. Just think about it, if a friend of yours was still technically with her BF and started fucking a guy and then when that guy says he will only continue to fuck if she breaks up with the BF, what happens? She all of a sudden loves that guy, but that guy was only with her in the first place because he knew a relationship was not possible. You don’t love him and he doesn’t love you, so get over it.
3. “I sound super desperate.” You said it not me, but yes you do. Look, we have all been through at least part of your situation at one point or another. And yes it sucks and yes you look like a crazy lady. So here is what you do, dump the BF, he is scum and you are wasting your time/messing up any potentials (clearly as we see here) and forget about/stop sending snaps to the fuck buddy. You have to do this. It’s the only way to stop looking desperate, which even though you may not realize it, is scaring away all other bros in the meantime.
This is tough love, but betch you are fucked right now. End this situation and start over. You are in college so I know for a fact that there are plenty potential fuck partners available.
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