Help, My Boyfriend Sucks At Sex - Ask A Pro | Betches

Help, My Boyfriend Sucks At Sex - Ask A Pro

By The Head Pro

Email your questions about living, loving and fucking to Head Pro at [email protected]. He's also figuring out Instagram and can (and should) be followed at @betchesheadpro.


Dear Head Pro,

So I've been dating this guy (in college) for about 8 months and talking for about 10.  I reallyyyyyy like him but the sex is just really bad.  I think there's a few issues with it.  First of all, I've never had an orgasm with him and he's like never mentioned this.  He does enough for me that we can then go on to have sex but he's never really like tried to make it happen.  I know this sounds selfish to most people but I think he's also weirdly embarrassed about it because he doesn't like to talk about anything like that - he gets super awkward.  He's (number wise) more experienced than me but for some reason more awkward than me.  This is basically the second issue here, because he's really awkward and like not adventurous at all.  It's the same thing every single time and he doesn't seem to mind that.  I'm not super kinky but I do like to switch it up a little and have fun but he's really hard to talk to about this.  I really like him and want to stay with him but just can't continue with this kind of sex life forever.

Sincerely,
Confused girlfriend

Dear Confused Girlfriend,

I always kind of giggle when I get questions from people in college complaining about bad sex, especially when they’re in a relationship. Like, you’re living in this incubator where sex with lots of different people is both easy to come by and widely permissible, and yet you’ve somehow gotten into an exclusive relationship without one of the chief benefits of an exclusive relationship (that is, consistently better sex). But since you seem to like the guy, the good news is that your problem is not unfixable. You just have to start by getting a more realistic picture of guys’ understanding of sex.

Lately I've been playing around with Whatsgoodly, an anonymous, location-based social polling app. It has a ton of data relating to what college guys think about dating and sex, and in this case it’s actually pretty instructive. For starters, don’t be so sure he’s really that much more experienced than you. When asked on the app what their “number” was, 67% of guys said it was 5 or less. 64% say that their favorite positions are either missionary or doggy, 51% say they’ve had a girl fake an orgasm on them, and 52% say that they last between 3 and 10 minutes during sex. Most depressingly, 48% say they learned how to fuck by watching porn, by far the most popular response.

When you look at it from that perspective, it’s apparent that the average college dude isn’t having that much sex, isn’t particularly good at it and is getting bad advice for how to do it. That’s pretty grim, but it also means you’re dealing with the basics when it comes to helping your boyfriend do better (and might also explain why he’s so reluctant to talk about it). Talking about it is unfortunately going to be the hardest part, because that’s what you need to do the most: If you’re someone who can only get off via oral/manual stimulation, you’re going to have to tell him that - there’s no trick you can pull that will magically make him suck on your clit longer, short of replacing it with a ring pop, which would be weird.

As for the actual fucking, it sounds like you’re going to have to take some initiative and switch things around. I understand that you may like a guy to take charge, but that’s not working out so well for you thus far, but the good news is that since he’s so awkward about it, he may be pretty receptive to your suggestions. It doesn’t have to be especially sexy or delicate, either - if you think you’ll have a better shot of getting off on top, just say “let’s switch, I want to be on top.” In general, saying what you want him to do is a major turn-on. No guy’s ever gone limp because his girlfriend said “I want you to pull my hair and fuck me from behind” in the middle of sex.

Missionary Kisses,
Head Pro

Email your questions about living, loving and fucking to Head Pro at [email protected]. He's also figuring out Instagram and can (and should) be followed at @betchesheadpro.




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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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