April 16, 2015
The College of William and Mary is regarded (by people with authority on such matters and no personal biases whatsoever) as one of the best academic colleges in America. What it’s not known for, though, is for being much of a party school. Don’t tell that to the freshman class president, however, who decided to go full-on “inmate at Folsom” on some poor fuck who was passed out on the couch that he wanted. TFM received the following tip:
“The Freshman class president at William and Mary was too drunk at a KA party and was told to go downstairs and pass out on the couch. Someone had already passed out on the couch so the president pulled down and took a shit, pissed, and puked on the kid who was passed out.He sent out an apology email to the school and there are pictures to prove it.”
(The pictures they're talking about include a photo of said puke on said couch, which I used in the header image. Go to TFM if you want to see puke in HD, weirdo.)
I didn’t know there was such a thing as “too drunk at a KA party.” I’m curious to know how the tipster knew the exact order, or how the dude was able to summon up that much bodily waste at one time. What we do know, however, is that rather than doing the smart thing and denying all involvement, our human fountain protagonist actually apologized to not just the person he shat on, but his entire class. TFM also received the following email screenshots:
What the fuck is he even talking about? How do you even approach the person you physically assaulted in such a foul manner, let alone ask for his forgiveness? And why the fuck is he talking about mental health resources by the end of it - what’s in the middle screenshot they obviously left out? This is a classic, fucked up apology: Start out by saying everyone forgave you so it’s not even a big deal, and then end by talking about something wholly unrelated to the subject of the email. This kid will make a fine politician one day.
Do not pass out on a couch in the basement of KA at the College of William and Mary.