September 1, 2015
Former Betch of the Week Hillary Clinton was caught in the world's worst 3-way calling attack. Basically, she used a private server for her email account while she was Secretary of State, so people think she's hiding shit. No, this is not like that time your friends hacked your gmail account.
Anyway, Hillary has been releasing some of her emails to comply with the law suit. Most of them are super classified and about policy blah blah blah, but an email sent to her assistant Monica (lol, not Lewinsky) is absolutely amazing.
She starts with some classic office email etiquette, which is always code for "IDGAF about your personal life, but it seems rude to just start asking for shit right after Christmas." Then she asks about her personal chef Jason, who probably makes her kale salads and salmon. After that she asks if Monica can puh-lease get her some skim milk for her tea. Obvi I respect that homegirl doesn't want the empty calories of cream, but tea is for the English and nice girls - Hill is neither of those.
She also asks Monica to remind her that she needs to bring more "tea cups from home" aka monogrammed "HC" mugs from Anthropologie. Finally, she needed to find out what time "Parks and Rec" and "The Good Wife" were on TV, because she really couldn't be bothered to DVR them herself.
I feel like this is how Eloise from The Plaza would email her assistant too..