Homemade Barbecue Sauce: For Those Tailgate Season Cookouts

By Betchy Crocker

With summer peacing the fuck out and fall on our doorstep, it’s definitely time for some heavier food fare. Today, we’re exploring the wide world of barbecue. Because we’re not really in the mood to cook a suckling pig or tackle how to slow roast a brisket for 20 hrs, let’s start with the basics: barbecue sauce.

I’m sure you’ll let me know in the comments that your Great Aunt Maybell’s sauce is the darn tootin’ best and ain’t no Yankee can top it, but, I assure you that a) I don’t care and b) there’s more than one way to create a bitchin barbecue sauce, Aunt Maybell aside.


·         1 cup Ketchup
·         2/3 cup brown sugar
·         ½ cup Guinness or other dark beer
·         ½ cup Cocoa Cola
·         1/3 cup molasses or real maple syrup
·         6 oz tomato paste
·         3 tbsps spicy brown mustard
·         3 tbsps apple cider vinegar
·         1 tbsp kosher salt
·         1 tbsp dry mustard
·         1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
·         1 clove garlic, diced
·         ¼ cup onion, finely diced
·         4 sprigs of fresh thyme
·         1 tsp fresh cracked black pepper
·         1 tsp smoked paprika
·         1 tsp cayenne pepper

Heat a saucepan over low heat, and add all of the ingredients. Mix using a whisk. Turn the heat up to high and boil everything together, then remove from the heat and cool.

That’s it. You’re done. Yeah, it’s a lot of shit, but slather or squirt this on literally anything from pulled pork to grilled chicken to a cube of cheese and the frat guys at your tailgate will literally worship you. Probably. Maybe if you look cute. No guarantees.





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