Homemade Candy Bars Because, Feelings

By Betchy Crocker

Sometimes, we need a pick-me-up. We need a warm, fuzzy, sweater of a feeling – and that feeling’s name is chocolate.

However, instead of reaching for the usual Toblerone, Lindt, or Godiva million calorie offering, we say – make your fucking own. Short of harvesting your own cocoa, you can customize this shit however you like, making you queen of all the candy.


  • ½ cup coconut oil
  • ½ cup GOOD QUALITY cocoa powder
  • 3 tbsps honey
  • ½ tsp vanilla extract

Melt the coconut oil in a saucepan over medium heat. Once it’s like, not solid, stir in the rest of the ingredients until it’s all blended and such. Pour the mixture into candy molds (yah, we used old ice cube trays) and chill for an hour. Then eat. Yay!

So that’s pretty basic. If you want to make your chocolate sing, dance, and tell jokes, try a few of these combos. Note: add the things in before you pour the chocolate into molds, duh.

  1. Add dried mango and toasted coconut for a tropical as fuck candy bar
  2. If you crave spice, add in cayenne pepper and ancho chili powder.
  3. Love some refreshing shit? Chop up a fresh mint leaves and mix them in before chilling your chocolate
  4. Get super zen and add crystallized ginger to your mix
  5. Add every and any kind of chopped nuts you like – from pecans to walnuts
  6. If you’re feeling really crazy, chop up your favorite cookie ::cough Thin Mints cough:: and crumble them into your chocolate.

You, too, can be a betchy chocolate goddess.




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