The Argument for Homemade Pizza

By Betchy Crocker

Ah, pizza. The food we all have been drunk enough for probably in a fairly recent past (cough this weekend).

The main issue most of us have with pizza from big box places is that it’s friggin covered in grease, has questionable ingredients, and seems kind of, well, gross. I’m referring to the likes of Little Caesars (try their Hot N Sweaty pizzas), Pizza Hut (pretty certain they spray it with grease to make it shiny), Dominos (I just can’t), Hungry Howie’s (wow – ranch flavored crust!), and others of the same caliber.

Sadly, you aren’t going to go find good, artisan, sustainable, and locally-sourced-ingredient pizza when you’re stumbling around your apartment drunk at 2 am. My solution: make your own and have leftover GOOD pizza ready for when blacked out and craving cheese and bread.

Steps for Building an Amazing Pizza:

Buy legit pizza dough: You can go to your local pizzeria/Italian restaurant and ask for some pizza dough. You can also purchase it at most grocers. I would advise against the pre-made crust as it’s like, meh.
Buy amazing ingredients: The homemade pizza is only as good as what you put on it. Purists will say the pizza only needs San Marzano tomato sauce, good mozzarella cheese, and basil for a classic margherita pie, which is totes true. But on a drunk night when you want something special, here are a few ideas for what you can offer yourself:

a.       Combine pears, brie cheese, and fig jam for a sweet and savory pizza.

b.      How about a meaty combo of pulled pork, tangy barbecue, caramelized onions, and cheddar cheese? That would probs def be amazing when you were blacked out. It’s not Meatzza fest (ugh), but it’s something.

c.       If you dig Asian flavors, use some kind of plum sauce or hoisin for a “sauce” (not a lot cause like, not terribly healthy), fresh cilantro, thin sliced red onion, pineapple, chicken for an umami-charged (god I’m so culinary chic) pizza.

Own a pizza stone: These are probs the best for making pizza, but like a regular pan will do, too.

Arguably, the best part of building your own pizza is the fact that you know exactly what’s fucking on and in it. So like, do yourself a favor and get creative with your drunk eating. You’ll really enjoy reaching into your own fridge and indulging in a better pizza … until you realize the next morning that you texted your ex AND ate carbs last night.




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