Hot Buttered Alcoholic Chai Bourbon Rum Love, Because Winter Sucks

By Betchy Crocker

GUESS WHAT. It’s still fucking winter. I feel for you betches in Boston. Then again, I chose not to live in fucking Boston for a reason. Anyway, I assume for those of you under 10 ft of snow, a warm alcoholic beverage is much needed.

If you’re into chai tea (and you obviously fucking should be), you know that the spicy blend is usually served with about a cup of sugar, honey, double extra fat cream, and just a SPRINKLE of extra cinnamon, because seasons. To a betch, the better option is to combine the spicy tea blend with alcohol, and then more alcohol, because fucking duh. The same applies for the old recipe of Hot Buttered Rum, although, in this case, you’re really only using a dab of butter, so we can consider this both a great drink AND our meal for the day.

I’m giving you a bourbon recipe and a classic hot buttered rum recipe, because I am kind and smart and important.

Ingredients for Bourbon Chai Tea (adapted from The Kitchn)

  • 3 chai tea bags (I used pumpkin chai because I’m fucking festive)
  • 6 oz steaming water
  • 3 oz Maple Bourbon (or some kind of spicy, festive flavor)
  • 1 oz (or to taste) vanilla non-dairy creamer OR half and half
  • Cinnamon

In a heatproof mug, pour the not-boiling water over the tea bags. Let the tea steep for 3-5 minutes, remove the bags. Add the maple bourbon and creamer or half and half and stir. Sprinkle some cinnamon over the top. Drink and get drunk and ignore the snow.


Ingredients for Hot Buttered Rum:

  • 1 small slice of soft, unsalted butter
  • 2 tsps brown sugar
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • Pinch of ground clove
  • Pinch of nutmeg
  • ½ tsp vanilla extract
  • 2 oz dark (good) rum (try Bacardi Black)

In the bottom of an Irish coffee glass or mug, place the butter, sugar, spices, and vanilla – mix well or muddle together. Pour in the rum, then fill the rest of the glass with boiling water. Stir the whole fucking thing together and stop freaking out about the butter. This is like, your meal for the day.




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