March 26, 2015
I just got my first adult job, and while I’m like super grateful to have my own money and an impressive resume boost while basically not doing any work (literally, I’m in my office writing this on Microsoft word so it looks like I’m being productive) I’m seriously missing my old life. I’m only 21 and I can feel myself morphing into an UGH. Actually full disclosure, I basically already am – Friday night I stayed in and did a face mask while catching up on Scandal. Not so long ago I was a sorority girl with a possible drinking problem and an impressive collection of crop tops. Now, my friends are all going out without me because they are still at that intern level or putting their Art History degrees to good use working retail and have no actual responsibility. Obviously there’s some major FOMO going on here. How am I supposed to stay relevant when I literally can’t fit anything fun into my ridiculous schedule? Am I doomed to corporate boredom forever? Please please help before I am forced to stab myself with my own (appropriate 2 ½ inch) heel.
-Not really an adult
Dear Working UGH,
Whoa, did I write this letter to myself? Seriously, this sounds like me, right down to the MS Word-ing while at work, which I am currently doing right now (also I watched Scandal last Friday…are you in my mind??). The only difference being I’m the ripe old age of 23 so doing this type of shit sometimes is (sort of, not really) acceptable. Anyway, it’s reasonable if you don’t want to black out on Thursday , and staying in on Friday is semi-acceptable because by the time you get home from working a full day you’re tired enough to casually slip into a coma. Seriously, I get it. BUT if you spend your Saturday nights alone baking brownies, we have a fucking problem. Even I don’t do that. There’s no real way around it: you’re going to need to sack up and go out. Luckily this is 2015 and you have a lot of resources at your disposal to get your ass off the couch, including but not limited to: Red Bull, Molly, that one friend who’s really good at enabling you, etc. I have faith that you can do it. Plus, wtf are you spending your new disposable income on if you’re not going out? Netflix only costs $8 a month, so...
I have a PHD in being irresponsible and as your doctor I’m going to prescribe you go out and buy 3 crop tops, a case of your fave energy drink, and check out that group text you’ve been ignoring for 5 months. Come back in two weeks and let me know how you’re doing.
Trust me, I’m a doctor,
Got a question about love, life, or wanting to kill yourself at work? Email The Betches at [email protected] and you might just get a response.