March 7, 2014
I generally love and agree with your advice so I decided to give this a shot. What should you do when you are with a pro who decides to suddenly take up smoking cigarettes full time? Everything else about our relationship is perfect, but is this one issue where we can't come to an understanding.
I just found out he has been doing it behind my back for a couple months, due to stress at work. We live together with a baby so it was upsetting to realize he has been keeping this from me. He's vowed to be honest about it now, but says he's a smoker, he loves it and he has no interest in quitting. I know he can't quit unless he wants to, but what's a betch to do? I'm not against the odd drunk dart, but find smoking sober and daily to be gross, expensive and unnecessary. I'm very health conscious and have lost many family members to lung cancer so I have never liked smoking. Should I give him an ultimatum, give him time and space to figure it out, or just accept that this is how it's going to be? Is there someway I can manipulate him into thinking quitting was his idea? Haha
A little desperate
Dear A Little Desperate,
It's one thing to resolve to not start dating someone who is a smoker but it's another to break up with a guy because he becomes one. Honestly, I'd be more concerned with the fact that he felt he couldn't be honest with you and tell you what he's been doing for a couple of months because he thinks you wouldn't approve. You have to be able to trust the person you're dating and hope that they're not just telling you things you want to hear. While I agree that sober smoking daily is gross and smelly and you shouldn't have to be exposed to it, it's also not your right to tell someone what they can or can't do with their own body.
As long as he's not smoking around you or your kid and maybe finds a way to cover up the smell, you shouldn't turn this into an issue involving you. If he wants to do unhealthy shit to his body that's his issue and you trying to tell him what he's allowed to do will just make him more stressed and resentful of you for being controlling. You can try suggesting tips for other forms of relaxation or you can just let him get over this shit on his own. Ultimatums are never the answer. Maybe he'll get bored of smelling like an ashtray all day long and having to go outside every few hours like a dog that needs to be let out to pee. Either way that's not something that you should be concerned with unless it's actually affecting your health or the health of your baby.
Let a boy live (or die),