How Do I Get My Boyfriend To Work Out? Ask A Pro

By The Head Pro

Dear head pro,

So I normally don't ask for advice but this is actually so fucking confusing I don't know how to even process it.

I was hooking up with a pro older than me, he's 26 I'm 20. Everything was going really cool we both kept it casual since I'm away at school. Then we decided to meet up in the city over spring break. So long story short he's really experienced so a lot of the things I’ve done with him are very new to me. Some things we have tried are strange but not to the point I couldn't tell my best betches about like 69ing.

I literally am so confused and can't even tell anyone so I'm really hoping you give me perspective/ have any idea how to handle this. It is probably like the 6th time we fuck and it's always really intense but this time I kept feeling during sex that we were way tooooo wet. Like I couldn't tell if maybe it was so intense we were just really sweaty but it felt weird and than that's when I realized. He had peed on me during sex like multiple times?????!! I didn't even know what to say or how to react I felt like a child because he seemed so casual about it but I was so awkward the next morning when we both were sober and not rolling anymore. Like I couldn't process it completely so I couldn't have like a conversation. Please help me understand why he would do this/ is this okay/ is that a normal thing? How should I react. I'm so confused


Dear Pissed and Confused (not bad),

So, the big question here is whether or not he gave confirmation of his mid-coital piss party. Did he? I doubt it, because everything I’ve ever learned in multiple biology classes says it’s more or less impossible for men to pee when they have a full erection. Ask any guy, and he’ll tell you his morning adventures will confirm this as well. There’s a biological mechanism that basically prevents it from happening. Now, if you guys are on multiple drugs when you’re humping, then that’s subject to change, I would think. Anything that retards the nervous system could theoretically overwrite his normal functions I guess.

If it turns out he’s peeing on you during sex, then no, that is not fucking normal on several levels. Some people do, I suppose, get off on peeing/being peed on, but that usually happens before or after sex, not during. Barring any medical issues, I think something’s more likely - the moisture came from you. SQUIRTGASM!

If the sex was really so intense, it makes sense - women who ejaculate describe it as a different, more intense feeling leading up to it. It’s also possible that you aren’t aware of it in the moment, so the sudden appearance of fluid could seem “mysterious,” or at least external. Either way, know two things: One, it’s not pee, it just comes out of your pee hole (because where else would it come from?). It’s thought to be “G-spot fluid,” the exact makeup of which is heretofore unknown by scientists.

Two, it’s totally normal. No, it’s not something every woman reports being able to do or have happen, but it’s in no way a medical or sexual anomaly. Lots of guys find it hot, even. I assure you, they could fill the Library of Congress with the volumes of squirt porn available on the market. YOU’RE IN GOOD COMPANY! Like I said it’s natural, normal and a feeling I imagine some people would kill to experience.

Maybe put a towel down next time,

Head Pro

Dearest Head pro,

Can you please take a break from silly delusional daters and help a sista out? I recently started dating this wonderful guy and he's been awesome to me. However, I have one complaint...he needs to work out again. I have been incorporating health and fitness into my lifestyle for a while now and I want him to participate with me. I recently found some pictures of him when he used to be active and used to hit the gym and was ripped a few years not so much. He works a lot, especially outside as a general contractor for the city so hitting the gym is the LAST thing on his mind (yes I've asked him to go with me). I'm not only interested in how he would look, but its about the whole package for me. I want him to understand and be a part of living a healthy lifestyle with me but I don't want him to think I am changing him (even though he USED to be into fitness as well). How do I tell him that I would be so much more attracted to him if he started working out again without bruising his ego?


Needing my Swolemate

Dear Swolemate (gag),

Yes, because this is so much more interesting than delusional daters… So you don’t want to “change him,” you just, I dunno, want him to have A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LIFESTYLE AND BODY COMPOSITION THAN WHAT HE HAS NOW. Nope, no change there, not one iota. You’ve pretty much exhausted your options here - if he doesn’t want to go to the gym either alone or with you, then he’s not going to go. I would also imagine that if he works as a contractor all day, he’s plenty strong and capable, making your interest in his fitness purely superficial.

If you’re interested in him looking “jacked” (as opposed to being big/bulky), this is a good time to remind everyone that the appearance of “muscle tone,” or “definition, or “being ripped” is at least 80% about your diet. Maybe more. I don’t care if you’re doing P90X, CrossFit, or some insane combination of both, you may certainly be very fit on the inside, but you won’t look it on the outside. Food, then, is probably your best angle. Suck it up and prepare healthy meals for the two of you, and if he doesn’t like it, tell him he can make his own. Oddly enough, you have more leeway to give a man shit about his gut than you do the size of his muscles. Fatness, to us, is an issue of health. Muscles, on the other hand, are inextricably tied to our masculinity.

Regarding your last question - how would that sound if you flipped it around and it was coming at you? How would you like to know that even though you’re doing what you can to live a full life and be a loving girlfriend, he would find you just a little more fuckable if you altered the course of your life to look like you did when you were 20?

Yeah, you can fuck right off with that one.

Swollen Kisses,

Head Pro




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