August 19, 2014
Dear Head Pro,
Can guys sense when a girl is slutty and/or not interested in dating? I've asked other bros and they say girls have a metaphorical stamp on their forehead. Such as "fuck off" or "DTF". I may not be interested in getting married anytime soon, but that doesn't mean I'm only interested in hooking up.
The reason I ask is that I always get approached, but inevitably guys only have one end game: see me naked. I get that this happens at bars, but it also happens with coworkers, friends of friends, and guys I think want to date me - but get mad when I don't sleep with them right away and end it or stop calling.
Is this my fault? I don't act like a slut, I'm very selective about who I do hook up with, but guys never seem to ask me out because they are interested in dating me - just fucking me. Do I have "DTF" stamped on my forehead?
it says balls on your face
This is… a good question! One where I want to say yes, but I’m not exactly sure why. Try as I might, there’s nothing I can put my finger on that would make me assume a girl is easy from the moment I met her. Unless, like, you eschew handshakes in favor of blow jibbers as your preferred greeting, but I’m going to assume that’s not the case.
That’s why there’s usually context in a situation like that, where something external has lead a guy to believe a girl’s super DTF - particularly in your case, where all of your connections sound like they’re coming from insular circles. Here are a few reasons I can think of regarding why guys might get that impression of you:
- An Unearned Reputation: Does one of your friends (or coworkers) hate you? If so, he or she might be spreading rumors that you have a fever, and the only prescription is a constant stream of dicks in your mouth.
- Coworkers Are a Bad Idea: I’ve only said that, like, a million times, but I’m not the only one who knows it - they probably do too. If a coworker is interested in a fling, the fear of dating someone in the office might lead him to only want a hookup.
- You Flirt too Hard: Obviously I don’t know if this is true in your case, but when a girl IS down for going home that night, they usually lay it on pretty thick because boys are dumb and won’t know otherwise. If you’re a super extroverted person who’s very expressive (and touchy-feely), some guys will get the wrong impression.
- Skewed Perceptions: Yes, there are guys who will come right out and say they’re pissed because you won’t put out, but how often is that really happening to you? Is it possible you’re confusing “only wanted to bang me” with “was never that into me in the first place?”
Other than that, it sounds like you meet an awful lot of people. If so, keep in mind that if you treat it like a numbers game, it’s relatively easy to find someone who’ll fuck you, but not so easy to find someone who’ll date you (or that you’d want to date, for that matter). More than anything, though, if it’s really that bad, it sounds like you’re running into the wrong kinds of guys - reach outside your friend circle (and stay out of the office), and you’ll have better luck.
No kisses on the mouth,
Dear Head Pro,
As a girl, it's inevitable that guys are going to approach me on any night out. I'll usually flirt back until they buy me a drink and then depending on my level of drunkenness, I'll either make up an excuse to escape or keep talking, and even sometimes go home with them. Some time in this convo, they'll usually ask for my number and rather than make an awkward excuse, I'll just give it to them.
My question for you, Head Pro, is if I already know I'm not going to answer their text the next day, is it leading them on to give my number? Or even if I do answer and then realize that I blocked out how annoying they were, is it rude to just stop answering without giving a reason why?
I kid you not this conversation, if you can call it that, happened a few days ago. I will mention that we maybe exchanged about 5 texts before this, where I did reply casually about how the night was fun and his friends were pretty cool, when he said we should do it again.
He had already friended me on Facebook, messaged me a few times and followed up with a "hey is your phone working.” After being creeped out, I unfriended him which he responded to by refriending me, and immediately texting me this:
Now I'm not gonna pretend I'm this super nice girl that cares about a random guy's feelings, but does giving him my number and answering a few texts justify this level of creep or is this guy just actually psycho status?
She's not just that into you
Dear Not That Into You,
Hey, the quasi-return of Sexts and Subtext! This subject has, at various times, been a point of contention between me and female acquaintances: Giving someone your phone number implies that you want me to have a means of contacting you, so don’t be surprised when I, y’know, do that. The boilerplate thinking goes “If she’s not going to respond to me, why would she give me her number in the first place?” That is, as it turns out, a very stupid way to think.
Guys who complain about this fail to remember that it’s usually they who asked for the phone number, not the woman who offered it. When you think about it that way, it’s not hard to understand why women do it. Saying “no” is inherently hard, particularly when we encourage women to “stand up for themselves” while also chastising them for being “bitchy.” You could try a fake number, but that’s easily found out and could really piss the guy off, and who knows if he’s going to be violent? Basically, it’s a lot easier to just say “sure,” and deal with it later.
This guy seems relatively harmless, at worst a creep and at best someone who significantly overestimated whatever connection the two of you had. “Justify” probably isn’t the right word because again, his assumption is that you actually wanted to talk to him rather than just get him off your back (exacerbated by texting him back at all). The Facebook part is pretty creepy, but at least he “got the hint,” eventually.
There’s no easy answer, but I think your best bet is two-fold: First, say “I don’t give out my phone number to people I just met” (assuming you don’t actually want him to have your number). Two, follow that up with “but here, take my email address.” This should obviously be a burner address, one not attached to anything but one that you can access easily.
Dating is so much fun,
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