How Do I Recover From Drunk Texting My Ex? Dear Betch...

By The Betches

Dear Betch,

Although it is one of the most unbetchy and unattractive things that can be done, we've all been there: drunk texting. Drunk texting has varying levels of seriousness but is most detrimental when it involves an ex.

I drank too much last night without eating dinner and before I knew it, I was blacked out. I had not texted my ex at all since he dumped me 3 weeks ago, but drunken insanity took over and the texts and calls began. I deleted the text messages so I’m not sure exactly what was said - I think I was trying to meet up. But the outgoing calls were there this morning. Mortified.

My question is, how does a betch mentally recover from acting like a fucking idiot and drunk texting the night before?


Drunk Text Offender

Dear Drunk Text Offender,

While the faux pas of drunk texting an ex is something many a betch has encountered, there’s little that can be done in terms of damage control. In general, it’s perfectly fine and encouraged to delete embarrassing texts you sent the night before, but only after you’re sober and have the chance to look over them just once to know the exact extent of your fuck up. Just because you deleted something doesn’t mean it never happened and while it can be more painful to look at an unanswered “I miss you let’s meet up” text than pictures of earthquake victims, avoidance of understanding just how awkwardly and traumatic your fuck up was will only make damage control harder.

In general, regardless of what was texted, the best thing to do is just pretend it never happened. Hey if you can’t remember, then maybe he’ll do you the honor of forgetting it too. Whatever you do DON’T text him trying to explain. He’s heard from you enough in the past 24 hours. Let it go. Sure you’re now losing, but it’s only a matter of weeks until both of you let it pass. The best thing you can do is delete his number and avoid texting him at all costs. Drunk harass an ex once shame on you. Drunk harass an ex twice and you’re in psycho ex-girlfriend territory. Time to move on.

In terms of your phone calls, it’s almost better to do a drunk dial because there’s no physical evidence of what you said on the call and anything anyone repeats that you said is just hear-say. Texts however, live in cyber space and on your ex’s phone for as long as he wants them to.

Finally, the best thing to do is to try and think about other shit. Go to brunch with your besties, go shopping, go flirt with some other guys. The best way to not text someone you shouldn’t be is to stop thinking about them, so go get a distraction. 


The Betches




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