How NOT To Write A Birthday Post

By Sabrina the Teenage Betch

Basically, just don't do anything that resembles the following:

1. Happy Birthday to the most fun loving, absurd, and inspiring best friend out there. To my vodka chugging, table dancing diva who seriously has the best moves out of anyone I know. To the girl who has cooked me more meals than I can remember (like, would I even be alive without you?), has the most fabulous style and can sing the lyrics to Blank Space for hours on end. To the only person who fully enables my Scandal addiction, has never been afraid to put herself out there and yet somehow didn’t have an Instagram handle until waaaay too late. (It’s ok, I forgive you lol).

2. To the BRUSSEL SPROUTS QUEEN, my Southern belle and my African princess. To the total warrior who ran a 5K this year and still got a mani-pedi with me an hour later (still impressed haha). To my rock, my beacon of stability and also (she's going to kill me for posting this) Justin Bieber's #1 stalker. I love you to the moon and back!! (moon emoticon)

3. I honestly don't know what I would have done without you my freshmen year of college. I'm going to explain this for the whole world to read right now because everyone is really interested. When we showed up to our dorms and I saw you fumbling with your suitcase like an idiot outside Schaeffer Commons I legit knew we would be BFFAEAEAE. Can you believe how far we've come exactly six months later?? It’s literally crazy (as crazy as you know who hahah).

4. Despite all of your ridiculous allergies, that time you vomited on yourself at my mom's second wedding and that weird period where you didn't call me for three weeks (seriously what was that?), we have been so close for so long. Do you remember that time we snuck into that frat party (name excluded for obvious reasons) and legit danced all night?? I do. It was seriously one of the most memorable nights of college and one of the defining moments of my whole entire life.

5. Let's talk again about how STRONG you are and how you've BEEN THERE for me. Through thick and thin (my body type obvi.) Except for that weird three week period (SERIOUSLY, WHAT WAS THAT?), there was never a time I couldn’t call you or reach out to you about whatever was on my mind. You don't even know how much that meant to me. You. Don't. Even. Know.

6. Whether I’m sitting on your bed overanalyzing a text, or trying on one of your gazillion dresses to wear to formal, you are literally my other half. I am the luckiest girl in the world to have you today and everyday. As they say, the best ships are friendships, and it couldn’t be truer for us. LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! #feelin22 (string of dumb emoticons)




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